Zack's Anger Diary: You Don't Know Who You Are

Dear Diary …

I would start this by saying “We’re all doing our best right now,” but I think we all know that ain’t true. I mean, I’M doing my best. And some of you out there are doing your best. But then there’s the rest of you.

And I would say, “you know who you are,” but those people never know who they are. You say “you know who you are,” and you can look right at those people and they will look around the room like, “Huh … I wonder who we’re talking about that’s in here? And it’s so weird because there’s nobody else in here. Must mean we’re talking about somebody else in some other room. Huh.”

And if you need an example of how oblivious they truly are … just go to the grocery store. Because there you are … doing your best … trying to respect everybody’s bubble. So when that old lady opens the fridge to the milk … and stands there … and stands there … and stands there.

It’s MILK!!!!! It’s not like one of them is milk and the other one is diet milk and a third one is nacho cheese milk … it’s one milk. ONE MILK!!!!

So there you are … like an idiot … just waiting for her to move so you can grab your milk. Meanwhile … plenty of other people who also aren’t “doing their best” are sliding right in next to old lady and grabbing everything they want because they don’t care about no bubble either. I mean is everybody thinking “You must be letting everybody cut you … cool thanks!”

OK … moving on Diary … since there’s no helping those people, let me at least give some advice that can help somebody out there who’s paying attention. It’s parenting advice. If you have kids … or ever plan on having kids some day … he’s a very helpful piece of advice. Never give them the freedom of choice. Ever.

Kids don’t need choices because they’re never going to do it right. If you have a kid and you give them a choice … hey do you want pancakes or waffles? They’re gonna spend the next … um … eternity … sitting there trying to decide. “I’m thinking!” How long are you thinking??? It’s a simple choice!!! And never … and I repeat … NEVER give them a choice at the store unless you are a sadistic person who likes punishing yourself. Don’t believe me? Take them to the gum aisle and let them try to pick one pack of gum. See you in a month!

And if you have two kids … then DEFINITELY don’t give them a choice of anything because all you’re ever going to get is one of them picking something, and then the other one picking the exact opposite just to cause a fight with their sibling.

My family has gone thru every movie ever released by Hollywood. And I don’t mean that we’ve watched any of them … we’ve just ruled them all out because we were stupid enough to give the kids a choice of movies, so if one kid says ‘I want to watch that,” the other says “Noooo … I don’t want to watch that movie!!!” And then both of those movies are eliminated for all of time, and then every movie on Earth gets the same treatment.

People always act like, “oh we need to have freedom for everything!” I’m not so sure we do. Kids in China just do what they’re told and don’t ask questions cuz they ain’t allowed. I’m not so sure that’s a bad thing. Just sayin’

Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye.