Zack's Anger Diary: The Trash Guy Olympics

Dear Diary …

Now I’m not complaining …

OK … I’m kind of complaining. But hear me out here, because I’m complaining … with respect! You can do that, right? You can complain about something, but still respect the heck out of the person doing it. Right?

Because that’s where I’m at with the trash guy. Or gal. But for the purposes of this Anger Diary, let’s just call him the trash guy … because “trash person” has no flow to it at all. Now I respect the heck out of the trash guy. I mean … this is THE definition of a dirty job. They pick up your nasty raw chicken juice, dirty diapers, dog poop, and Lord knows what else. So let me make it VERY clear that I am grateful for the trash guy and everything they do for the rest of us.

But I have to ask … why you gotta throw my trash cans all over the place when you’re done with them? My trash cans are in the alley. And when I go out there after trash pickup, the people across from the alley have this spot for their trash cans that’s the exact same size as the cans. And theirs are carefully placed back in that spot every time.

Meanwhile … I don’t have a space like that. Mine is more wide open. And by wide open I mean WIDE OPEN … because my cans are tossed all over the place like they were on fire when the trash guy was there and the only way to put out that fire was to toss the cans as haphazardly as possible.

Neighbor's side … neat and tidy. My side … chaos!

So I need you to level with me … Is there a Trash Guy Olympics that I don’t know about? You know … big international trash guy competition with all sorts of events like the Leave The Lid Open When It’s About to Rain Marathon, the Bulk Trash Relay, and of course the event my guys are training for … The Trash Can Toss.

I’ll be honest … I’m looking for less of an explanation here and more of an invite to the competition, because my guys are training hard and I think they can take the gold medal in the Trash Can Toss this year. And I just wanna be there at the World Championships. So when they successfully toss that thing 50 feet down the road for the victory … they can look to me in the crowd and point.


And I'll stand up and I'll point back … no … YOU!

See? I’m not even complaining THAT much and demanding that you gently place my can down in the spot you found it. I just wanna come to the Trash Guy Olympics and cheer you on. Let’s make it happen!

Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye.