Zack's Anger Diary: The One Ply Guy


Dear Diary …


Yes … I am well aware that this has been a VERY trying year. Now I’m not gonna sit here and waste your time running down all the things that suck here in 2020. You already know what they are. And … if you don’t … um … can I be you? Or at least can I have a sip of whatever paint thinner or marijuana juice you’re drinkin’?


Cuz here’s the deal … I don’t care how difficult things have gotten … we as a society have advanced enough that we should NEVER have to accept one-ply toilet paper.


People … we’re better than this. I don’t care how scarce things get at the store, we should ALWAYS still have two ply available. “Oh but you know … supply chain … and the demand and stuff” …. AHHHHHH!!!! Zip it!


Two things …


First ... The one ply people seem to have figured out the mythical “supply chain.” Every time things get all scarce at the store … there’s good ol’ one ply … showin’ up outta nowhere like a stinkbug on your bedroom wall. Never saw how it got there in the first place … but there it is … lookin’ all stupid.


Second ... I don’t care if the people at the store have to open up these packages of one-ply and hand roll them together into two-ply … do it! Stinkin’ grocery store has made enough money this year as it is … you can afford to put a “Toilet Paper Roller” on the payroll.


Nobody needs one ply. Shoot … even if you have a dang septic tank … you should be able to handle something better than that one ply sadness And if you can’t? MOVE! It ain’t worth it to live life that way.


You know what else we’re better than? Old mops. Yeah that’s right … I’m talkin’ mops. Those ratty, raggedly lookin’ old school mops that people used to have to use during like … Cinderella times and stuff.


And I guess ultimately … I don’t care … cuz I just won’t buy one of these stupid things. But what drives me crazy is that they’re still being offered for sale at all. I hate when things that don’t work are still out there for people to waste their hard earned money on.


Like that tack stuff that they sell you that they say you can stick on a wall and hold stuff up? Yeah … it don’t. Ever. And yet it’s still there … makin’ money.


Hey I have an idea for a product. It’s terrible and never works as promised. Now gimme $10.


OK … I’m not gonna lie … “mops and wall tack” … this is what it’s come to in the Anger Diary? This is the best I got?


Well … let me just say … coronavirus. What? Everybody else gets to use it as an excuse! So there … coronavirus!


Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye