Zack's Anger Diary: The Greeting Card Scam

Dear Diary …

Fresh off the heels of this lovely Mother’s Day let me of course say thank you to all the Moms out there for everything you do. You’re the best. OK … we done with all the showering in praise and Mother's Day and all this stuff? Good … cuz this ain’t about you! Sheesh!

I kid. I kid. I kid. Please don’t kill me.

Really it’s true though, this has nothing to do with Mothers Day. Mother’s Day just happens to be one of the days where this evil monster rears its devil head … the greeting card industry.

I’m sorry, but cards are just stupid. And not necessarily the card itself or the message inside, but more THE PRICE of the card itself. I’m all shopping for a Mother’s Day card … “Oooh this is nice … it says nice things … Seven dollars? NOPE!”

I’m sorry, but on no planet in any dimension should a greeting card and a steak be similar in price. I mean we’re talking about a square of paper here with some writing on it that gets handed to a person, read, and then thrown away. I just described a receipt to you … and we ain’t charging anybody seven dollars for a receipt!

And further more … where does the greeting card world get off permanently printing the price of the card right on the back of it?

Now you can’t even safely buy your momma the 99 cent card because she can just flip that bad boy over and immediately put a price tag on your love for her. [Mom voice] “Oh I see how it is! You only love your mother 99 cents? Your mother ... who was in labor for 27 hours with you. You know your brother spent seven dollars on his card. Hmpf!”

And you know what else costs too much? Flowers! We’ve created a billion dollar industry out of basically a weed that you pull out of the ground, hand somebody, and is dead by the end of the week and in the trash. Oh yeah … that felt like $20 well spent!

And let’s not even get into the whole scam of event flowers for things like wedding and funerals. OK … actually we’re totally getting into the whole scam. How is it that we spend every normal day of our lives complaining “$10 for a pizza … that’s outrageous!” but when we have a wedding suddenly $3,000 for a bunch of flowers “oh that seems like a fair price!”

But hey … we’re the idiots. We’re the ones that keep dropping $7 on a card. Why? Cuz we’re afraid of the wrath of Momma … that’s why.

Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye.