Zack's Anger Diary: Stupid Small Talk




Dear Diary …


Can we just all come together and agree that “small talk” should be made illegal? Nobody wants to have, it’s all relatively painful, and the whole experience is just a colossal waste of time. Even the name … SMALL talk … nobody wants to be small. Puny, tiny little talk. Let's just get rid of it.


And yes, maybe it would fine as a way to break the ice with somebody, but y’all don’t even know how to small talk correctly.


Diary ... over the weekend, I decided to put up my outdoor Xmas lights. So I’m out there will all my supplies … lights … decorations … extension cords ... all of it. And do you know what was THE most popular question asked to me by just about anyone that walked by?


“So … you puttin’ up Christmas lights?”


Noooo … I’m just a fan of light up reindeer and candy canes. OF COURSE I’M PUTTING UP CHRISTMAS LIGHTS YOU DING DONG!


So not only are you wasting my time … time with something I don’t really even wanna be doing and am trying to get over with as soon as possible … you’re filling it with dumb statements that are barely even a question!


Why do people think that stating the obvious is a conversation starter anyway?


Think of all the times you go to the grocery store to get supplies for a cookout … burgers, buns, ketchup, charcoal … I guarantee the next thing somebody will ask you is … “You havin’ a cookout?”


It’s July 3rd and I’m buying two dozen cheeseburgers … WHAT DO YOU THINK?


Oh and just to go back to the Christmas lights for a second … why is everything 10 times more complicated than it needs to be? I bought this goofy string of candy canes that you can use to line your walkway … so they’re all attached by one cord. I think, "OK great … this should be easy."


Buy nooooo … every single candy cane also needs to be tied to each other by some tiny piece of wire, that you then have to try to stuff inside every single candy cane once you get them apart so they don’t look stupid. Took me 45 minutes just to do that … for something that didn’t even need to exist in the first place.


And a Merry Christmas to you too!


But hey … they’re up now … and I totally understand now why lots of people leave em up until March. Cuz I don’t wanna go back out there any time soon either.


Till next time Diary … I say …. Goodbye