Dear Diary …
It is time to stand up for what’s right. It’s time to put our foot down and say, “Enough!” … This mistreatment has gone on for far too long and it must stop. One of our most beloved and cherished traditions is being mistreated, disrespected, and abused.
My friends … Friday is under attack. And it is time to fight back and reclaim our precious day for what it was always intended to be … the start of the weekend!
And you may be thinking to yourself, “Well duh! Of course we all love Friday, so why does it need to be saved?” Well … I’m here to tell you that way too many of y’all DON’T treat Friday the way it should be treated. Every single week you disrespect Friday. And not just any Friday. MY Friday!!!
You see Diary … I am a responsible human being. So the way I go about my business is that I try to get all of my work, chores, and responsibilities done as quickly and efficiently as possible during the week. I spend most of my days pretending I'm playing in a basketball game, there's 10 seconds lift on the clock, and I have no timeouts. I am in a hurry! My goal is to get to Friday and say, “OK … I’m already pretty much done with everything. Let’s bring on the weekend!”
Meanwhile … far too many other people do the exact opposite. They spend the entire week slacking off. Monday they’re “ramping back up.” Tuesday they’re just “too tired.” Wednesday and Thursday they “still have time.” And then all of a sudden it’s Friday and THEY say, “Oh no! I haven’t done anything all week!”
And now here they are … scrambling to get all of their work done before the weekend gets here. And that would be fine if it only punished them, but it ALWAYS punishes me because now I’m being asked, “Hey um … can you do a meeting on Friday afternoon?” And I get screwed because here I am … done with all my stuff … so technically yes I can, while in reality I should be able to just say, “New phone who dis?” and pretend I don’t speak English anymore.
Diary I cannot tell you the amount of emails I get from coworkers at 4:30 in the afternoon on a Friday asking for stuff. What kind of monster does this to our loveable Friday? What do these people hate Friday so much?
C’mon dummies … don’t be lazy on a Monday! Monday stinks whether you do something or you do nothing, so just suck it up buttercup and get your stuff done early so we can all mail it in on Friday together!
I make you all this pledge … when I am King of Zackmerica … anybody that tries to abuse Friday like this … Prison. And I mean maximum security prison. With mean guards. Like the Shawshank guys. Hit you with billy clubs and make you cry for your Momma.
And you know what? You deserve it for what you did to cute little Friday. He never hurt nobody and you’s was mean to him!
Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye!