Dear Diary …
I don’t know why some people talk. Every time they open their mouth … ppppppbbbbbt … trash just falls out of there. And I blame dumb phrases that we’ve allowed to become acceptable even though they make you sound like a fool when you say them. Like “no regrets” … that’s one I hear all the time when I watch the cooking competition show “Chopped.”
So a chef will make a dish … and then they’ll screw something up and they get chopped. And as they’re leaving in their exit interview they always say … “Oh I mean I stand by my dish. I have no regrets. If I could do it again, I wouldn’t change anything.”
Really? Cuz you know what I would change? THE THING THAT GOT ME CHOPPED!!!
“Hey Zack … do you have any regrets?”
Why yes … doing the thing that made me lose!!!
Why do we act like it’s bad to have regrets? Like we’re just supposed to be OK with our dumb decisions and then just pat ourselves on the back and say, “It’s OK buddy … you know that bad judgement you had right there? Don’t do anything about it! Stay exactly the way you are and keep screwin’ up your whole life!”
Guess what Diary … I have regrets. Like today … and every day. I’m doubting my decision to even talk about this in the first place because maybe I could’ve come up with something better! Regrets are what force you to improve next time … so have em … it’s a good thing!
Here’s another one that makes you sound dumb … “With all due respect.”
And here’s why … every single time you say “with all due respect” you’re about to tell someone something you don’t like about them and probably have no respect for them because you don’t like it.
I mean if I say … “With all due respect … you’re an idiot.”
What respect was that idiot due in the first place?
I’ll tell you the only reason to say “with all due respect” is to trick that person into thinking you respect them at all right before you drop the hammer on their face and insult them.
OK … you know what … I take that one back … I like “With all due respect” … but only when I use it on you. If you use it on ME, well we gonna throw down then cuz them’s fightin’ words.
Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye