Zack's Anger Diary: Nobody Asked You



Dear Diary …


Let me just start by stating something for the record … actually … that’s what I want to talk about … “the record.” Why do people say this?


“Let me just state for the record…”


The record? Where are we? Court?


You got one of them ladies sitting in the corner with the glasses on those chains who uses that goofy little half typewriter thingie? Is she the one keeping the record?


Do we think there’s some sort of Hall of Records that logs every boring conversation everybody has and makes sure that “the record” clearly states your opinion on things?


That’s definitely a job I don’t want to be in charge of … “Well it appears that on March 3rd, 2017 Steve had an argument with his wife and he stated ‘for the record’ that she did not look fat in those pants.” Good thing we documented that!


You know what else we don’t have? Official and unofficial statements.


I had a roommate in college who would do this. One day … in the middle of February … when winter was still being all dumb and cold he says, “That’s it! I am officially sick of winter!”


Well that is just fantastic to hear, Matt! I’ll be sure to give Mother Nature a heads up that you were unofficially sick of it yesterday, but now that it’s official, I have no doubt that the spring blooms will begin tomorrow!


Honestly I’m not sure why most people talk, because everything they say is ridiculous.


Think of all the times in your life when somebody says, “well if you ask me…”


And what do all of those instances have in common?


NOBODY ACTUALLY ASKED THEM ANYTHING!


They’re the ones who start the conversation! “Well if you ask me…”


Actually I had no plans of doing that … SO YOU OPINION NEED NOT BE SPOKEN RIGHT NOW! And if I do want your opinion … I WILL ASK YOU!!!


And I’m not immune to all this stuff … like when I start talking to somebody and I say “Yeah so…”


What am I saying yes to? We weren’t talking before I opened my mouth, and yet I act like I’m following up on something that was just said. Only problem is … the only conversation that was going on was the one inside my head … and yet here I am like a dummy, responding to my own inner thoughts.


This is why I prefer texting … we stink at talking anyway.


Till next time Diary … I say … (officially) ... Goodbye.