Zack's Anger Diary: Mr. Off Button



Dear Diary …


I don’t mind working hard. I won’t complain about that. I actually think in order to succeed everybody should have to work hard ... put in the time … earn things. To be fair I’d also like to win the lottery, but that ain’t happening, so I’m cool with puttin’ in the work.


That said, I don’t wanna work ALL the time. Everybody needs some nice, relaxing down time. And what I DON’T need is extra work when I’m trying to achieve this down time.


So when I finally get to sit on the couch … ahh … I just wanna lay here for a few minutes … maybe watch something stupid like “Guy’s Grocery Games” … wait … hang on … no! … no! … noooooo!!!!


What’s going on here? Oh nothing. Just me describing my anguish when I pick up my remote and try to stream a show that just seems to NEVER work right when it’s finally my turn at some down time.


Kids can watch TV for 3 hours, but the second I grab that remote …


“Oh hello … your app needs an update … please standby.”


No! No update! Update later!


Or the other thing my Fire Stick likes to do is just randomly forget how to connect to the internet.


“Oh I’m sorry … what is this internet? I forget how to connect!”


Or the other thing it likes to do ... Just randomly reboot.


And again … only when I’m using it. Nobody else.


Dear God … thank you for all you do and your bounty and the blah blah blah gratitude church stuff … could you PLEASE just give me 10 minutes of downtime and not turn it into an IT department project instead?


Now I certainly don’t miss paying for regular TV, but I definitely miss being able to turn that thing on and immediately have 100 channels at my fingertips … of nothing I actually felt like watching.


Moving on Diary … since we’re talking technology … I need to send a message out to you … Mr. Off Button. At this point in our existence, there should not be a single human alive who turns their phone off when they go to bed. And I don’t mean “do not disturb” or silent or whatever … I mean the psychos that shut the thing OFF. OFF? What are you doing? There’s no benefit to this!


You don’t need to conserve battery … you got electricity pourin’ out your wall at all times.


“But I need privacy”


There’s settings for that!


I mean … before cell phones … when you had a actual phone in your house … did you rip the plug out of the wall when you went to bed? Cuz that’s what you’re doing now!


What if you have an emergency? Somebody breaks in your house and you need to call 911?


“Oh my God! I need to call 911!” Ok … hang on … it’s restarting … it takes a minute to boot back up.


Op … you’re dead! Hope it was worth it!


Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye




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