Zack's Anger Diary: Cutting Tall People Down to Size



Dear Diary …


I’ve had it with tall people. Y’all gots to go.


And I know what you’re gonna say …


[high pitched and whiny] “WHY???? We can’t control it”


Actually … let me give it more of a tall people voice …


[deeper] “Why? We can’t control it”


That might be the case … but I don’t see any of y’all crouching down to get out of the way either.


Because what I see instead when I go to a concert … and specifically I’m talking about a concert with no seats … you’re all just in there together … fighting for position …


All I see … Is your head. Your big ol’ head … rising above everybody else’s …


And typically that head is located directly in front of me. I don’t know what it is … these gigantors always seem to find me and plop their Abominable Snowman selves right in front of me.


And I know we’re all about inclusion and accepting everybody … so fine … I accept you … ridiculously tall person … but you’re gonna just need to have your own area. You don’t get to hang out with the rest of us regular sized people … because you don’t operate with any “gigantor awareness.”


Like why you standing right in the middle of the crowd and up at the front? You’re blocking at least a hundred people behind you with your skull. Ain’t there a wall somewhere you can stand up against? You don’t need to be that close … you can see just fine a little further back … you know … like a giant bird on a perch or whatever.


But noooooo …. You gotta stand there in the way, “I wanna stand here.” No crouchin’ … no slouchin’ … just towering over everyone else. And usually rubbin’ it in … last show I went to … trapped behind a woman who was at least 6’2” or 6’3” … AND … she had big thick boots on that added a couple more inches … AND … was standing on her tiptoes … AND jumping up and down as high as she could … over and over again.


Sorry all you Groots out there ... you need your own “tall people section” or something … cuz the rest of us are sick of the back of your head.


Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye