Dear Diary …
Now I know you’re gonna think I sound old when I say “back in the day” … but to be fair … “back in the day” for what I’m about to say was from about 6 months ago. So unless you’re a brand new baby, you’re all just as old as I am because “back in the day” nobody asked their friends to send money to their CashApp when it was their birthday.
I mean … when you were a kid you had a party and you got presents. But then you turned 12 and that didn’t really happen anymore.
And then as an adult … MAYBE you went out to dinner with some friends and MAYBE they would all chip in and cover your food. OK great … happy birthday to me … thanks! But never in my adult life did I think, “Hey everybody, it’s my birthday … now give me money” … so I’m not sure why tossing your CashApp out there makes it any better or different.
Would you expect your friend to hand you $8 just because it’s your birthday? Then why would you think it’s OK to have them send you money online just because it has a nifty little dollar sign in front of your name?
And let’s speak the truth here … anybody who begs for CashApp donations on social media for their birthday is also gonna be the person who conveniently “forgets” to return the favor on YOUR birthday. “Oh sorry man … just a little short right now … I’ll get you next year!”
And why do people think that their birthday is something that anyone else should care about in the first place? It's your birthday ... that's great ... but people sit here and complain, "I can't believe I have to work on my birthday."
That's because it's "a day," and if we all took a day off for everybody's birthday, nobody would ever work. You want the day off for your birthday? Cure cancer ... cuz then we'd happy to have a holiday for ya.
Moving on Diary … Why does science gotta be so stupid?
I mean … science can be good for … like … you know … medicine and stuff … but then there’s very simple things that are just dumb.
Like for example … one teeny tiny drop of coffee hits your shirt and immediately it’s a stain. One second later you could dump 4,000 gallons of water on it … nope … doesn’t matter. Stain is still there. Too bad … so sad … look like an idiot all day at work.
Why science gotta sabotage you?
Or how about this … think about the times in your life where you felt totally fine and then all of a sudden … you sneeze … or you just move a little bit in one direction … and boom … instant back pain.
And here’s why this is extra stupid … everything goes wrong in one second, and then it takes three weeks to try to work it back to normal … gotta spend hundreds of dollars at the chiropractor … do a bunch of noodle shaped yoga poses … and then pray for it to go back to normal.
And you know what never happens? You don't ever sneeze again and … laaaaa! … it feels totally normal. If it can go bad in one second … why come it can’t go GOOD in one second??? Stupid science and all your book learnin’!!!
Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye