Dear Diary …
Ahhh story time. When you were a kid, story time was the most glorious time. You would get all snug in your bed … pull the covers up to your chin like you’re a little kid on a sitcom. And then Mommy and Daddy would read you a story …
“Goodnight moon. Goodnight light. Goodnight room.”
Or you know … whatever dork book it was that you had on hand and your kids made you read one million times. The point is … story time is great when you’re a kid.
But when you’re an adult … story time is awful.
And I’m not talking about you having to read to your kids. That ones fine. (Maybe a little annoying at times, but overall not too bad.)
I’m talking about what story time BECOMES for you when you’re an adult. Because now … story time consists of the same horrible thing every time … you get stuck going to a meeting … somebody hands you a giant pamphlet … and then proceeds to to read that pamphlet to you word for word.
And you don’t even get to fall asleep like little kid story time … adult story time makes you sit there the whole time … flippin’ to the next page … having that one read to you as well.
Why do we do this? Just hand me the packet and have me read it. I CAN read. And even if I couldn’t … I could just tell Alexa to do it for me. So why do I need to be dragged into adult story time instead?
Well I'll tell you why ... It's because most of y'all are lazy and you wouldn't read it in the first place. So that's why somebody has to read it to you. So ... this is YOUR fault.
Moving on Diary … I’ve decided I don’t appreciate the attitude of auto-reply email messages. They’re just smug and unnecessary.
I am out of the office until Monday … please contact blah blah blah if you have an urgent request.
Oh well congratulations to you! You got to go on a little trip or a staycation or whatever. I don’t need you rubbing it in my face. “I’M not here right now because I’m awesome. But since YOU’RE a working stiff who desperately needs me … you will have to sit there and wait. BAHAHAHA!!!”
Cuz here’s the other thing with the auto-reply … to me it’s basically a guarantee that that person ain’t ever going to actually get back to you. Oh sorry … I was out and my inbox was just SWAMPED. What did you need again? That's ll they're going to do ... they're going wait for you to contct them again.
And let’s not even get into the fact that half the time the auto-reply has the wrong dates on it, or ended three days ago. So like … are you here or not?
See? Smug. Don’t appreciate it.
Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye.