Virginia is for Left Lane Lovers



Dear Diary …


I’d like to suggest a new slogan for the Commonwealth. Now I’m sure a lot of people are attached to the whole “Virginia is for Lovers” thing … and that’s cool. There’s merch and stuff. But I was on a road trip this weekend … and when I crossed the state line on 81, I realized that we are missing the full description of our slogan.


You see Diary … Virginia is not just for lovers. Virginia … is for LEFT LANE loves. THAT should be our true slogan!


I have no explanation for it, and it defies all rational thought and reasoning, but EVERY single time I’m driving back into Virginia on 81 … and you can drive on that same road in New York … Pennsylvania … Maryland … whatever … the SECOND you cross into Virginia … every slow driving dingleberry is hanging out in the left lane.


Every other state … things are pretty normal. Every now and then you get a left lane hugger … but nothing out of the ordinary. But cross into Virginia and suddenly it’s like the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade is taking place in the left lane of the highway and everybody wants to participate.


So I’m starting to think … maybe the left lane in Virginia is just really inviting … maybe ours is like smoother … or wider … or something. I mean there’s GOTTA be a reason why everybody loves it so much, doesn’t there?


I kid you not … within 5 minutes of entering Virginia there was a guy driving a HOUSE in the left hand lane. Not an RV … not a camper … an actual little tiny house. Our left hand lane is so awesome in Virginia, people wanna live in it!!!


So let’s just embrace it … make shirts … hats … maybe paint the thing red so it feels like a VIP carpet or something. That’s right baby … Virginia is for Left Lane Lovers!


OK … moving on Diary … I went to a concert over the weekend … and while I’m not a “stand there and film everything with my cell phone” concert going person … I’ve come to accept their existence. Personally, I’d rather just be in the moment and enjoy the actual concert, as opposed to taking some video that’s gonna have lousy sound quality and I’ll probably never watch it again in my life. But hey … I’m not gonna tell somebody else what they can and can’t do.


But what does give me anxiety about the whole thing? I see these people with their phones in the air … and I see what they’re filming … and I see that every single one of them is on like 16% on their battery power.


Oh for the love of God!!!! How are you not freaking out right now??? We’re like two songs into the night … how did this happen?? How are you already on 16%?


You have planned very poorly, and there you go … still filming! Next song … still filming!!!


I mean … don’t you need to call an Uber at the end of the night? What if you get separated from your friends?


Oh my God my chest hurts just looking at your battery!


And by the way … why is it that all percentage points aren’t created equal? I mean … when my phone is on 100%, I’m not stressed at all about it getting to 84%. But 16%? Ten seconds later and it might as well be on zero and powering itself down.


Oh … God … Is this what thrill seeking is? If it is, I don’t like it.


Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye.