The Curious Story of Apple Guy: Zack's Anger Diary 08/02/22



Dear Diary …


So this past week I went to FloydFest. You know ... the festival in … well … Floyd. And whether that’s your vibe or your kind of music or whatever, I can promise you that we can all agree that one thing FloydFest is absolutely fantastic for is … people watching.


First of all … there’s lots of people. Second … there’s lots of weird people. Actually I don’t wanna say “weird” because what the heck is “normal” anyway? And on top of that … what FUN is “normal?” None! So let’s just say we got a lot of unique people celebrating their individuality. And I applaud that and support that. And I also reap the side benefit that it makes for excellent people watching.


I’m so intrigued in life by people’s stories. Meaning … you just look at them and think, “Ok, what exactly is your deal?” And sometimes there’s certain people I see and I become obsessed with the possibilities of their story. Like Apple Guy. I saw Apple Guy at the festival and I still can’t get him out of my mind because his story just confuses me so.


I see Apple Guy while I’m walking around and he’s this big dude … all bald and muscular. (I should probably add here that I 1,000% support and appreciate Apple Guy … and I say this because Apple Guy could no doubt beat me up if he wanted to. So shout out to you Apple Guy … please don’t hurt me!)


Anyway … this dude’s built like Captain America, and while he’s walking … he’s eating an apple. But he’s eating it in the most nibbly way I have ever seen a human eat an apple. He’s taking these TINY little bites and just nibbling the skin off the outer edge of the apple and leaving all the while apple-ness behind. So now I need to know his story … like does he only like the skin because it has all the fiber and nutrients and he’s gonna throw away the rest? Or does he REALLY love the crispy white inside of an apple and he saves that for the end so he can savor every juicy bite? I NEED TO KNOW THESE THINGS!


Now … fast forward a couple hours … and guess who I see walking in the other direction again? Apple Guy! And lo and behold … he is eating ANOTHER apple! But this time … he’s eating it COMPLETELY normally like any other person would eat an apple.


So now my mind is BLOWN! Why is he eating this apple normal while nibbling away at the previous apple like a chipmunk? Was that one just a special apple? Or was he in a really weird and nibbly mood and just felt like trying it that way once? And furthermore … How many apples did this man bring with him to a music festival anyway???? WHY SO MANY APPLES??


This guy is gonna haunt me forever! I need to know people’s stories!!!!


Musicians are another for me where their story just as fascinating. Especially when it comes to fashion. Look … they’re up on stage … so just about anything goes and you can make some crazy decisions. There was this one singer … dude had this HUGE necklace on with all these dangly little chains hanging down.


So I start wondering … like when this dude is putting together his outfit for the stage, does he say, “Man … you know what I need is like a REALLY huge necklace with all these dangly things on it. That’s gonna POP when I’m up there on stage!” And is that what he thought when he went to the necklace store and just randomly saw it? Or did he get on Amazon and search “big dangly necklace thingie” because he already knew that's what he needed?


And … is this like only his “stage clothes?” Or will he also wear this same big dangly necklace on Tuesday when he’s working as the manager at a Zaxby’s?


I NEED TO KNOW THESE THINGS!


These are life’s real mysteries. You can get all caught up on “Is there life after death?” or “Are there aliens out there?” but I just wanna know what Apple Guy and Dangly Necklace Dude are up to right now.


Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye.