Stop Backing In

Dear Diary …

OK I get it … we’re in that doofy time of year where we all act like we’re gonna be better people.

“Oh I’m gonna exercise more and drink less and call my grandma and blah blah blah.”

If you were here right now talking like that and I was actually allowed to get closer than six feet to another human, I’d give you a little pat on the head and tell you “Good job buddy, you’re trying so hard!” Reality is … if success ain’t your mindset ALL the time, then it ain’t gonna matter anyway.

As if January is some sort of magical month where all dreams come true. January sucks! It’s cold, ain’t nothing going on, and all you have to look forward to is … ugh … February.

But you know what? If you do wanna be a better version of you … OK great. But let’s not start by trying to tackle the biggest of the big. When a 10 year old says he wants to grow up and play in the NBA, he doesn’t immediately try to dunk on LeBron James. Cuz he’s gonna get his face mashed in!

So let’s start small … let’s start with little things we can do right away that are easy to change and make the world a better place. Like … stop backing into parking spaces for no reason.

Yeah … you know who you are. Mr. “Hey … Look at ME!!!! I’m backing into a parking space!!!!”

Nobody else around and no real reason to do it. And yet … you do it. You think you look cool to the rest of us or something? Like ladies get a special quiver in their bones thinking, “Damn that guy backed into that space. Sorry husband … there’s a new sheriff in town!”

I’m sorry, but unless you’re positioning to get yourself quickly out of a parking lot after a Taylor Swift concert or a child’s Christmas pageant or you’re robbing a bank and looking for a quick getaway, there is NO other reason to back into a parking space. Because really all you’re doing is throwing off the equilibrium of the dang parking lot. Now we got car heads and car butts all over the place … trunks bumpin’ up against each other … not to mention the fact that now your driver’s side door is bumped right up against mine. Get out my personal space! If 2020 taught us anything, it’s that you don’t belong there!

So look … there you go … you’re already a less horrible human by making one TINY little change. Good for you, champ!

Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye.