Nobody Cares About Your Kid

Dear Diary …

Parents. This one’s for you. And not just any parents … parents of little kids.

“New parents” if you wanna call them that … but really not just for little babies … this one probably goes up to at least five or six years old.

And here’s my message to those parents … nobody cares about your kid. I mean … YOU care about your kid, and it’s not like the rest of us HATE your kid, we just don’t care.

And what I mean by this is that while we might care about their overall well-being, we don’t really care about their doofy little day-to-day milestones. I saw an article recently that said 80% of parents of young children were … quote … “heartbroken” that other people had “missed out” on the milestones of their kids’ lives.

Things like … learning to roll over … saying their first word … learning to count to ten … awwww … that’s sooooooo cute.

Well parents … I have great news … there’s no need to be “heartbroken” about it, because the rest of us didn’t really care about those boring things anyway. And I get it, you THINK we care, but that’s because you’re just wrapped up in your own little world of your “wittle babies and all the amazing things they can do.”

I get it. I was there. I thought the same thing you did … that other people actually wanted to hear about the boring things your kids are doing.

“Oh Little Isabella pulled herself up for the very first time” … BORING!

“But it’s not boring … it’s the important milestones that you will cherish forever!”

Really? Well let me tell you what my kids’ first words were …

Actually … um … if any of you happen to remember what they were I’m gonna need you to let me know cuz … I have no clue. Can’t remember at all. So clearly it ain’t that big a deal to anybody else if their parents can’t even remember.

You’ve gotta look at it this way … if other people in your life have already had kids and they’re older than your kids … we’ve already been thru all your boring little milestones and moved on.

And if the people in your life DON’T have kids … well then they DEFINITELY don’t care about any of this, because they have no clue what it’s like anyway. You might as well be telling your auto mechanic about your son’s first time he pooped in the potty, because he may actually care MORE than a no-kid haver.

And look … don’t get mad about any of this. It’s actually good news. Now you don’t have to feel “heartbroken” or any kind of pressure to share this stuff with the rest of us, cuz we are doing just fine without it. You’re welcome!

Till next time Diary …. I say … Goodbye.