Dear Diary …
OK look … I appreciate a heads up in life, but I don’t need excessive and unnecessary warnings … especially when they’re just trying to get me to spend more money.
Ever get this one? …
“Warning! The batteries in your remote are dangerously low. Please replace them immediately!”
OK … first of all … “dangerously low?” These aren’t the batteries to grandma’s respirator … they’re for the dang TV. And furthermore … you know what happens after you get this scary warning? Nothing. The remote works just fine for at least another week. Maybe two.
Same things with printer cartridges. I can’t tell you how many times the stupid printers at work say “I’m out of ink!” only to print 300 more pieces of paper with no problem.
Now I appreciate the heads up that something is low, but LOW doesn’t mean EMPTY, so don’t act like the world is coming to an end unless I run out and buy more batteries.
See? This is the problem with this world … E never means E. So now we allow people to drive around on E because everything in their life is a lie when it says it’s empty. E should mean E people!
Here’s another warning I don’t need … and yes Netflix I’m looking at you.
I don’t need an email that says, “Hi Zack … just a reminder to finish watching the whole series of The Office that you started.”
Look here Netflix … you know darn well I’ve already watched this whole series like 5 times already. And further … stop trying to get me to binge watch stuff!
You’re like a drug dealer … hey Zack … just a reminder that we got this free weed laying around over here. Make sure you come smoke it. Get lost drug pusher!
Quit stalking me! When I’m in the grocery store I don’t need a notification on my app that says, “We see you’re in the store, want to start shopping?”
What do you think I’m doing??? I am shopping! Ain’t nobody going to the grocery store to browse stuff, so no need to jump up my butt when I’m already here.
I get it. I'm being followed, and you want all my money all the time always, but at least humor me. Tell me it's low, but don't act like it's E. E should mean E. Everyone should get punished for flagrantly ignoring the empty warning in their car.
Till next time Diary … I say goodbye