Zack's Anger Diary #587: The Evil Outdoor Cat

August 19, 2020

 

Dear Diary …

 

You know ... I guess I’ll just never understand the concept of “the outdoor cat,” or  why we consider some things totally unacceptable, while at the same time, something that is VERY similar is considered perfectly fine.

 

This past week I had the exciting privilege of cleaning out my garage.  OK … that’s not exciting at all … but really in 2020 it’s about the closest thing we have to “taking a vacation,” so I’m trying to put a positive spin on the whole thing.

 

I mean … garage IS clean now … and that’s pretty awesome.  But one of the things I had to do to get it clean was sweep up a LOT of cat poop.  Now as you know Diary … I ain’t got no cat.  I’m a dog person.

 

Wife and daughter always working me … “can we have a cat … pleeeeeease?”  No!  No we can not!  And besides, we got a dog that likes to sleep on the top row of the couch and basically tries to sit in your lap every waking moment.  So we already have a cat.  Maybe not by the scientific definition, but this little dog is one “meow meow” away from cat status.

 

And really … what do I need my own cat for anyway when the world is filled with irresponsible people who let THEIR cats be “outdoor cats?”

I’m sorry, but if the things just roams around the neighborhood and does whatever it wants … that’s not a pet.  That’s a slightly larger squirrel that you occasionally feed.  I mean … when you get down to it … how is that ultimately any different from a neighborhood raccoon?

 

“Oh he just likes to explore”

 

Yeah well too bad!  And just because “he likes to explore,” what makes you think the rest of us are cool with letting him “explore” all over our property?

Cuz that’s what they do.  And I got to experience that first hand as I cleaned it … they like to sneak in my garage when the door is open and treat it like one gloriously gigantic litterbox.  Why is that OK?

 

Something tells me if I let my dog roam free in the neighborhood and he took a bunch of poops in your garage … you would not be very happy about that.  Heck … if you got a dog on a leash and you aren’t prominently displaying a poop bag in your other hand, most people will start openly yelling at you, “you better be picking up after that dog!”

 

Meanwhile, they’re feeding Garfield a tray of lasagna and then sending him out into the world to treat it like however he pleases.

 

And guess what else happens when you let cats roam the Earth … they get hit by cars and die!  Sorry to be morbid … but they do.

 

Over the years I’ve had several neighbors deal with this.  “Oh poor Heathcliff … he got hit by a car!  Oh we’re all SO sad!”

 

Yeah … well guess what?  Ain’t no cars in your living room, so had you just kept Heathcliff inside, we wouldn’t be having this conversation right now.  If I leave $20 out on the sidewalk, I can’t be mad if it’s not still there the next day.  

 

So if you REALLY want something to be safe …. You gotta protect it.  INSIDE.  Where pets live.  Outside is where pigeons live.

 

Till next time Diary … I say … goodbye.

 

 

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