Zack's Anger Diary #584: There Are No Awards

Dear Diary …

I get it. You’re confused. Because there’s not really an “awards season” this year, you have no idea what people are getting awards for these days. Well … because I’m a giver … I’m gonna help you out. I’m here to let you know that there are no awards for some of the things you are doing, so you can kindly stop doing them.

For example … there are no awards for not running the dishwasher simply because there’s space for one more tiny spoon. If it’s the end of the day, and your dishwasher is 99.9% full … THEN RUN THE DISHWASHER!!! I don’t need to get up in the morning and realize that there’s no room for anything and have run the cycle and sit there with a sink full of dishes like a fool.

Because guess what happens next? You empty the dishwasher and basically it’s full again once you reload all the dishes in waiting! So what did not running it the first time even accomplish?

And while we’re at it … back to front people. There are DEFINITELY no awards for lazily loading the dishwasher starting at the front. Use the arm God gave ya and open that tray all the way and start in the back!

Hey guess what? There’s also no award for waving people thru at an intersection even though you’re the one with the right of way. Why are you doing that?

“I’m just being nice because I’m a good driver!”

No you’re not! You’re actually making things worse because you’re not doing them in the right order, and now the rest of us don’t know who to trust or who’s actually doing what they’re supposed to do.

Again … there is no award titled “Waited the longest time at a four-way stop waving other people thru” … so stop preparing your acceptance speech and just DRIVE.

Oh and you know what? There’s also no award titled “Person who does the best job hiding the remote from the rest of the family.”

Why is this so hard? If you’re on a couch … put the remote on the arm of the couch. If you’re near an end table … put it on that table.

Everybody in my house puts it everywhere EXCEPT those two locations. On the floor, under the bed, jammed in the cushions, in the kitchen … the list goes on and on … but never the two places it’s supposed to be.

There’s no awards for any of these things. No accolades. No trophies. No cash prizes. So … cut it out!

Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye.