Dear Diary …
I can’t believe I’m actually going to say this, but I miss phone calls. That’s right. Me. The guy who don’t like talkin’ to nobody. The guy who’d much rather text, email, or … you know … just fall out of touch with each other. That'd be fine with me. And yet here I am missin’ phone calls.
Now … to be clear … I still don’t LIKE phone calls. I still don’t want to do them, but now that the alternative has become the evil Zoom call … now I miss ‘em.
OMG I’m so over Zoom. The quality stinks. The audio is garbage. And now everybody wants to do ‘em.
Before … you could just bang out a quick call with somebody. But now … “OK I’ll set up a Zoom call so we can chat.”
Why we gotta set up a Zoom? Why do we need to see each other? Look … I get it … If you wanna Zoom with grandma … fine … Zoom with grandma. But if it’s a quick work call … just do the dang thing on a phone. We don’t need to look at each other. We ain’t takin’ our shirts off, so why do we care? Plus .. how am I supposed to roll my eyes at you wehen you say something stupid if you can see me on the Zoom call.
And the Zoom meeting? Well that’s a whole other layer. And by “layer” I’m pretty sure I do mean that it’s one of the actual layers of hell. I'm pretty sure it’s right after purgatory. It’s the layer where you gotta Zoom Satan and he lets you know you’re heading down to the burny place.
And beyond the fact that the quality is garbage and you gotta deal with everybody talking over each other, and some dodo who won’t mute their microphone and makes all sorts of noise in the background … that ain’t even the worst part. The worst part is that you cannot escape the Zoom meeting.
With a regular meeting you can be all, “Ooooh … sorry. I won’t be in the office that day. Won’t be able to make the meeting. Womp womp.”
But now … the meeting follows YOU! Hooray! Now you can be dragged into a meeting while you’re home, or in the car, or on top of a freakin’ mountain in the middle of nowhere. And here I was thinking that the best part of the Coronovirus was that our bosses couldn’t drag us in to meetings, but now those dastardly middle managers have found an even worse way to drag us in.
Thank you Zoom! I will say this … you own Zoom stock right now? Sell. Cuz I promise you, there’s way more of us that hate the dang thing and we’re eventually gonna send it into the pit of ruin. Mark my words. We’ll have that thing trading in the penny stocks by this time next year.
(Oh and trust me … I’m well aware that I’ll probably be completely wrong and the stupid thing will be $400 a share next year. But I’m gonna a
t least try to ruin them!)
Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye