Anger Diary #580: No Beach For Me

Dear Diary …

Ahhhh the beach. People love the beach. They plan their vacation to … the beach. They show off pictures of their drink at … the beach. They lament a tale of woe when it’s time to leave … the beach.

They wish they could just stay there forever and live at … the beach.

Me on the other hand. Nah. I’m good.

Now don’t get me wrong … I have fun at the beach. But on my last trip I was thinking about it, and there’s no way I could possibly stay there forever.

And for me it’s one big reason … sand. Ugh the sand. It’s just … EVERYWHERE.

Sand at the beach means sand on your feet. And I don’t care how good you rinse, it still never totally comes off before you get back into your place. And there’s sand in your pants, and sand in your hair, and sand on your body that’s stuck to the lotion on your arms.

Ugh. Everything is just so slimy and humid and stanky. It’s like when you haven’t showered for a day and then go work out before that next shower. That’s how you feel every day when you're at the beach.

Sand in your bed. Sand on your rug. Just … so … much sand.

And that’s the thing with the beach … sure it’s fun and chill. But it’s just so dang hot and slimy all the time. And nobody has nice stuff, because it all eventually just gets that funk so it’s not worth spending the money in the first place.

“Salt Life” HA! I thumb my nose at three … “Salt Life” … because who actually feels GOOD when they have that dang salt water smarm all over your body? “Shower Life” maybe, but “Salt Life?” No thank you.

And here’s the other problem with living at the beach … it never feels like real life. And I know you think at first … oh well that’s a good thing because real life stinks. And while that may be true, there’s just something surreal about forever being trapped in beach life where you have no concept of time.

Next thing you know you have no clue if it’s Tuesday … Saturday … or September … and you can’t remember the last time you washed your hair either. See? This ain’t good for anybody. There’s a reason why all the weird news stories come out of Florida … they’ve all lost their minds at the beach!!

Don't lose your mid. You can go for a little while and misplace your mind, but then you gotta come back or you end up as a Florida story.

Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye.