Zack's Anger Diary #579: Family Skills

Dear Diary …

It’s good to have skills … right? I mean … you don’t want to be totally useless, so skills are good. Though I’m not sure ALL skills are good. My family has skills. Some of them … good. They fun people. But other skills … these are the things I could do without.

For example … when I make dinner … my family has an amazing skill of eating JUST enough food that there’s NOT enough food for any other occasion. Does that even make sense?

What I mean is … as we all know … making and planning food is a pain in the butt. And I LIKE cooking … but it’s still the relentless onslaught of eating. As soon as one meal is over, you gotta start prepping for the next one. And now that we live in the Zombie Apocalypse, that’s even more apparent because you gotta work with whatever you got on the last supply run. So if I can … I’m gonna try to do things like double the size of what I’m cooking so we can have it for two dinners.

And that’s where my family comes in, because they have an amazing skill to then in meal #1 eat JUST enough food that there’s now not enough left over for meal #2. “Oh this is sooo good … I’m gonna just get onnnnnne more bite.”

That’s it! Kiss of death! Cuz one bite in actually more like 8 bites, and now we ain’t got enough left. And before you say “Well just make more” … that don’t work. If I make a little more, we still hit that threshold, and if I make WAY more, then nobody ever wants it for the second meal. Why? I have no idea. That’s just how it goes.

Here’s another one that’s about food … the skill of plowing thru certain things the second I get home from the grocery store. Now as you are already aware the grocery store is about as much fun as jamming a sharp object underneath your toenail, so it’s not a place you wanna hang out in any more than you have to.

So when I walk in the door and somebody says “Oooh bagels … I’ll have a bagel!” and the next kid says “Oh there’s bagels? I’ll have a bagel!” and then all of a sudden they each want seconds and the bag is empty in 20 minutes.

And what do you get for your trouble? “Hey … next time you’re at the store … get more bagels!”

“Next time I’m at the store” … awesome! Don’t mind me … I’ll just risk the ‘Rona for more bagels! And the biggest kick on the gut? If I buy twice as much next time … nobody’ll eat ‘em! Suddenly they’re not “in the mood” anymore.

Then it’s just on me to try to figure out how to repurpose 27 leftover bagels. Somehow.

Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye.