Anger Diary #567: The Evil Seat Saver

Dear Diary …

Have you ever been in a crowded restaurant that doesn’t have servers? So … you know … it’s a place where you go up and order your food, and then go find a seat. Those places (when they're crowded) introduce us to one of the worst kinds of human beings alive … the seat saver.

This is the person who completely ruins the balance of the entire food ecosystem by declaring, “I’ll go save us a seat.” And I use this voice because, while the seat server can be almost anyone, it is most often one kind of person. She’s 60 something years old, has a sour look on her face, never smiles, and has old leathery skin. She’s the kind of woman who drags her doormat of a husband with her to the grocery store and makes him push the cart around while she barks orders at him.

She treats employees like garbage and refers to them as “the girl” when she’s complaining about them later. You’re not sure if she’s ever had a day of fun in her life, and she sits there … hogging this table while it’s just her and a pile of napkins that she’s gotten from the counter … as if napkins are somehow the official currency that allows you to occupy an entire table without actually having any food.

I’m sorry, seat saver, you’re the worst. And the simplest reason why is this … there’s no need for you to exist. If you just went up and got your food with everybody else, the general flow of the restaurant would cause for a table to be open for you when you were ready.

Instead, when I get my food you and your society of evil seat savers are monopolizing all the tables. You’re not doing anything with them. Just laying on top of them so nobody else can use them. If it made sense to actually save seats, then the restaurant would take RESERVATIONS in the first place.

Oh I’m gonna save a seat for you … it’s in a place where it’s REAL HOT, and I imagine the food is terrible since Satan is the head chef.

Moving on Diary, why do we allow totaly useless things to be sold? They have absolutely no practical use (or impractical use for that matter), and yet they’re still available and we’re expected to pay money for them. I mean … who’s ever been able to actually use a white crayon? It doesn’t make any color whatsoever …. It just drags across the paper all sucking and stuff. And yet … there it is … ruining every box of crayons you ever buy.

And yellow’s not much better. We went out to dinner recently and they gave my son one of those kids’ menu activity papers. And they give him one crayon to write with … a yellow one. The heck he gonna do with a yellow crayon? Can’t write nothin’ … can’t read nothin’ … can’t do nothin’.

Just think of the millions of dollars and amount of resources we’ve wasted to manufacture white and yellow crayons, which then all just end up in a trash heap when the crayons are tossed out. Could probably end world hunger just by eliminating them from the box and spending that money on seeds instead.

Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye.