Zack's Anger Diary: you Aren't Useful

There are many things that start with good intentions, and seem like a good idea at the time, but in reality they are just plain stupid. Problem is, nobody actually stands up and points it out, so these dumb things are allowed to exist. And not only do they exist, but they sit there acting like they’re all useful or something … “Look at me, I’m helpful.”

Well guess what? You’re not!

For example … electrical outlets that are connected to light switches are stupid. And they make you think they’re all useful … “Oh hey … I’m an electrical outlet connected to a plug, now you can plug a lamp into me and the switch will turn the light on and off. I’m useful!”

No you aren’t. Because the reality is, these outlets very rarely have a lamp plugged in to them. Instead, they’re just an outlet that dupes you into thinking you’re charging your phone or whatever, only to find out an hour later … “Oh wait … how come this isn’t charging?

And on the rare chance that there’s actually a lamp plugged in to this outlet … the same thing happens every time … you go to turn on the lamp by the switch ON the lamp, only to look like an idiot when nothing happens. See? We don’t need the switch on the wall to turn this lamp on and off because THE LAMP COMES WITH IT’S OWN ON AND OFF SWITCH!!! Useless!

Or what about an electric lawn mower?

“Oooh … look at me … I’m a lawn mower you can plug in so you don’t have to use gas. I’m useful!”

No you aren’t. You’re pathetic! And not only are you pathetic, have you ever seen a poor idiot try to use an electric lawn mower? They look absolutely ridiculous … dragging an extension cord around like a doofus … basically broadcasting to the world, “Hey … look at me! I was too cheap to buy a real lawn mower, and now I gotta drag my cord of shame with me everywhere I go!”

And what about heated seats in your car?

“Oooh … look at me … I’m a heated seat. I make you all warm and toasty on cold days. I’m useful!”

No ... you aren’t either. Sure … you warm up the seat for like a second, but then you immediately go from cold to flamin’ butt hot in about two seconds. There’s no middle ground with you! And since it’s cold out, we’re already wearing extra layers of clothes and jackets, so now we’re over here dying.

And really, in the time it takes for the car warmer to warm up, the natural heat of most people’s butts is probably warming up the seat anyway without taking it to flamin’ butt hot. So thanks for nothing seat warmer!

Useless … the whole lot of ya!

Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye.