Dear Diary …
Some things need improvement. And I’m grateful that we continue to progress and evolve and make those things better. That said … Some things don't need to be changed. They were perfectly fine. And … the changes have made them WORSE.
I start with something that is very close to my heart … actually it’s close to my butt … because they’re taking away my pocket! Why you taking away my pocket?
Look … I’m a dude … and I often keep my wallet in my pocket. My back left pocket. And for whatever reason, more and more pants that I own don’t have a back left pocket anymore. They still got a slot for a back left pocket, but then it’s all sealed up and there’s no pocket there.
What is even the point of this? We haven’t made the pants any better or more efficient by removing this pocket. And like I said … the pocket slit is still there, so it LOOKS like you have a pocket. So since it LOOKS like you have a pocket … THEN WHY NOT JUST HAVE A POCKET????
Hey … maybe YOU can put your wallet in your back right pocket, but I just can’t. I’ve tried it. Feels weird. Like having your shoes on the wrong foot or something.
And it’s not always the taking away of something … sometimes they add things that don’t need to be added. Remember when Facebook was just one app on your phone? Oh yeah … those were the days.
Now … we have to be all “improved” and have Facebook, Facebook Messenger, Facebook Pages, Facebook Dating ... God knows what else …. Blah blah blah. This is not better. How is it better to have MORE apps to have to download on your phone and keep track of?
I’m all for change … but not for EVERYTHING.
OK … moving on Diary …
‘Tis the season for haunted houses. And let me just say … and you’re probably gonna get mad at me when I say it … I’m not really a fan. To be clear … I think the people who put on haunted houses do a great job and they look really cool. But to me … I don’t find them scary at all.
And here’s why … deep down they all have one thing in common … they aren’t REAL. They’re a show. A freaky and cool show. But still a show. I can go to it with a 100% guarantee that I’m not actually gonna get killed at this haunted house. So I ain’t scared.
Now sure … you might have some monster holding a knife hiding in the corner who jumps out all “RAHHHHHH!!!!” at me and it might startle me, but it’s not gonna SCARE me, because I know that that monster ain’t gonna actually stab me with that knife.
I mean, you wanna have a REALLY scary haunted house? Guarantee that one guest per night gets murdered. Cuz now ... I’m SCARED!
Cuz then you gotta strategize … Man, do we wanna go early in the night because they’re probably saving the murder for prime time hours? Or do we want to go on the last run of the night hoping they’ve already done their murderin’ for the evening? So many choices!
Now you got yourself some scared little lambs comin’ around every corner of your haunted house! I would also guess you’re gonna see the true colors of a lot of dudes that act all tough while they’re waitin’ in line that are then hiding behind their girlfriends and using her as a human murderin’ shield. THIS is a scary haunted house ... for real!
And just so we are all on the same page … don’t actually do this and have a murderin’ house. I’m just being stupid right now.
Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye.