Anger Diary #547: The Lie of Quick Ice

Dear Diary …

“You get what you pay for.”

To me, that’s a reasonable motto for life, and I am perfectly OK with the system in place. If you buy a wonderful, farm-raised cut of meat from a skilled farmer? You gotta pay more. You buy a steak at the dollar store? Well … you get dollar store steak. (It’s meat glue BTW … look it up!)

But here’s the problem … far too many times you’re paying the higher price, and you’re still getting the dollar store steak treatment. This is especially true when people spend tons of money on super fancy kitchen appliances. I’ve seen it time and time again … “Hey my dishwasher costs $3,000!” And then their $3,000 dishwasher is always broken, there’s only one 87 year old guy in town who even knows how to fix it, and all the parts need to come from Germany, take 6 weeks to get here, and all cost $1,000 apiece.

This summer I’ve stayed in two different vacation homes, and each of them had super fancy refrigerators that both acted like dollar store steaks. The one that blows my mind over and over again is that people spend $10,000 on these stupid refrigerators and then not a single one has a halfway decent icemaker. To me … that’s like top three on the list of things a refrigerator needs to do … 1. Keep stuff cold, 2. Keep stuff frozen, and 3. Make ice.

So if I spend more on this refrigerator, I should get more of those three things, right? Nope!

Sure … I can have a laser sensor that tells me the door has been open for longer than 30 seconds (which, by the way, I use a thing called “eyeballs” to normally figure that out), but then I can’t get more than three glasses of ice before the whole thing is empty.

But don’t worry … we'll make four more ice cubes some time in the next half hour. What is the deal with that by the way? We have all these amazing advancements in technology, and we’re still OK with an ice maker taking 24-48 hours just make a bucket of ice? I should have full ice in 30 minutes max … end of story.

Oh and let’s not forget the biggest fraud in the ice maker world … the “quick ice” button. Quick ice … humpf! When have you EVER pushed that button and felt like it’s done anything at all. And if it did … THEN WHY WOULDN’T THAT BE THE NORMAL ICE MAKING FUNCTION IN THE FIRST PLACE???? Is there anyone that requests “slow ice?”

“Yes … I like to prepare my ice low and slow … one degree at a time … that way you can taste each molecule as it’s individually frozen.”

Quick ice … I have no doubt that button is just like the “close door” button on an elevator and it don’t do squat other than to make us dummies think we’re gonna get ice any faster.

And just to be clear … if you are somebody who’s thinking right now, “None of this means anything to me because I never have ice in my freezer anyway” … Well allow me to just say “YOU ARE THE DEVIL AND THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU!”

Seriously … go to the doctor.

Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye