Dear Diary …
I guess I should probably appreciate the fact that my children think I’m all-knowing and all-powerful. But … I don’t. And really … they don’t think I’m all-knowing and all-powerful. Most of the time they think I’m some moron that has no idea what he’s talking about.
“Hey kids … don’t run in the kitchen. You can slip and fall and hit your head.”
“No we won’t!”
WHAM! “Ohhhh …. My head!”
Yup … all those times I try to help them, they don’t listen to a single thing I say. But when it comes to knowing the location of every other human on the planet, they apparently think I’m the Great Zackini … The Great All-Seer of All People!
Let me give you an example of what I’m talking about …
I can be in the kitchen by myself getting dinner ready and my son will walk in …
Now how am I supposed to know that? Do you see Mommy anywhere in this kitchen? This is the only place I am currently located, so if she ain’t here, then I have no idea.
Yesterday I was outside. The second I walked in the door …
I don’t know … All I can tell you is she’s not in the driveway!
Last week I was in a vacation house with 7 kids in it and that’s all I heard.
“Hey do you know where blah blah blah is?”
No! No I do not! (And yes, I refer to them all as “blah blah blah” because honestly it’s just too many kids to even bother remembering all their names. Especially the ones that aren’t even mine. Ugh!)
OK … moving on Diary … this one goes out to all of you that insist on making the rest of our lives more difficult because of your inconvenient declarations of your own moral compass. Hey … it’s fine if you want to be one of these difficult people who refuses to adopt to new norms and technologies, but then you’re not allowed to put the burden on the rest of us.
“I don’t have a cell phone. I don’t need it. I just rely on my family and friends.”
You see what I’m talking about there? Sure it’s easier for YOU, but now the rest of us have be your personal assistants to hunt you down.
My mother refuses to use online bill pay. And that’s fine in her every day life because she’s the only one dealing with sitting there for hours on end writing checks and licking envelopes like it’s 1977. But then she goes out of town for a month … and now who do you think is responsible for driving over to her house, opening all her mail, and filling out all of her bills? That’s right … Zack the Personal Assistant.
I’m not even good at remembering to open my own mail … and now you’re gonna expect me to be responsible for yours? Just get online bill pay!
“I don’t want to. I don’t want my information out there on the internet.”
News flash: Your information is already “out there” whether you like it or not.
And furthermore … there are 50 billion other people already using online bill pay, so what makes you think you’re SO important that hackers are just sitting there … waiting for you specifically to join online bill pay?
Red alert! Red alert! Zack’s Mom is on the internet … it’s finally the moment we’ve all been waiting for … let’s go get her “information” now that’s “out there!!!”
Yeah that ain't happening. They don't care. I’m sorry, but if you want to be one of these people that refuses to text, or email, or online bill pay, or have a Facebook page or whatever … that’s fine. But you also don’t get to burden the rest of us … you go live in the hills where nobody can get a cell signal anyway and live off the fat of the land on your own!
Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye.