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Anger Diary #544: The New Conspiracy Theory

June 25, 2019

 

Dear Diary …

 

There’s a conspiracy taking place right under our noses, and nobody is saying anything about it.  OK … to be fair … that may be because this conspiracy is only taking place in my own house. 

 

Or is it?????

 

That’s why I bring it to you now … are we all part of the Great TV Conspiracy?  Or am I just one unlucky idiot with a giant rain cloud over his house?

Let me explain …

 

In our house we do most of our TV watching on streaming devices … Amazon Fire Stick, Roku, Apple TV … that kind of thing. 

 

Now … I have children.  And as any parent knows, those children control the TV with their stupid shows 99% of the day.  I mean … I can’t stay up to date on the "Handmaid’s Tale" because I "don’t have time," but I’ve also seen every episode of "Fuller House" … three times.

 

Ugh.

 

But whatever … they’re kids.  It comes with the territory.  And yes … I could make them sit there through my shows, but they’re just gonna bug me the whole time anyway and ruin my enjoyment.  And furthermore, I watch some freaky stuff.  So they’re pure little eyes can’t see it anyway.

 

 And here’s where the conspiracy comes in …

 

When it is bedtime, and those lovable little monsters have to head on up to Sleepyville, it is now time for my wife and I to FINALLY enjoy an episode of something we want to watch before we pass out from exhaustion.

 

So we turn on the TV …

 

And the Fire Stick reboots.

 

And this happens ALL the time … on ALL the TVs in the house.

 

It NEVER happens when the kids turn on the TV … starts right up and starts playing their lame little programs.

 

But for me?  Updating … updating … updating …

 

And then what usually happens after that?

 

“I don’t remember how to connect to the internet anymore”

 

Scanning … scanning … scanning …

 

I feel like this is a conspiracy.  I can’t possibly be the only one dealing with this garbage.

 

And if I am … then let me just ask … WHY???

 

WHY ME????

 

I work hard all day.  I let the little dorks rule the house.  Is it too much to ask to just sit down and watch ONE show that I actually want to watch without having to fight the TV for a half hour to try to get it to play?

 

I’m not a bad person.  I mean … I do bad things. (Very bad things) But then I make up for it and hold the door for old ladies.  That evens things out, right?

Apparently not.

 

So don’t mind me … I’ll just be over here reliving all the hijinks of DJ, Stephanie, and Kimi Gibler over and over again because apparently that’s the only thing I’m allowed to watch.

 

Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye

 

 

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