Anger Diary #538: Smart, But Stupid

Dear Diary …

How is it that we can be so smart and so stupid at exactly the same time? I’ll tell you how … our brains. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again … our brains are just a bunch of jerks. Sitting up there on their high horse on the top of your head deciding pretty much every outcome of your life whether you like it or not.

A lot of times it loves to make you stupid. For example … this weekend I was making a Caesar salad. And since I am a giant food nerd, I’m gonna make my own croutons. Yeah I know you can just buy ‘em in a bag and dump ‘em on your salad, but the homemade ones are about a million times better and they’re also super simple.

Just cut up some bread and toss it in the oven for a couple minutes ... there ya go. But just a COUPLE minutes because they can go from awesome to burnt little squares of black sadness in the blink of an eye.

So I toss them in the oven and I think to myself … “Hey maybe I should set a timer on my phone for 10 minutes so I don’t burn these?”

Enter Jerk Brain …

“No man. You don’t gotta set no timer. Mr. Brain got you. I let you know and it’ll be a-OK.”

So like an idiot I say, “OK.” Fast forward 15 minutes … sniff sniff sniff … hey what’s that smell? My croutons!!!

Burnt. Charred. Hammered. Destroyed. You win again Jerk Brain!

And I know we can just chalk this up to general forgetfulness, because “Well your brain can’t POSSIBLY remember everything!”

Oh yeah … Well let me just tell you this … 007 373 5963.

What’s that, you ask?

That’s the code to enter on the 1980’s Nintendo game “Mike Tyson’s Punch Out!” that you can use to go directly to the fight against Mike Tyson. I got that code in 1987 and here I am 30+ years later and I still know that thing no problem.

Meanwhile I can’t remember to bring my grocery list with me to work even when it’s on a piece of paper sitting on top of my wallet because “I’m too stupid to remember things cuz I’m just a brain.”

I believe our brains have the power to remember absolutely everything … and it just chooses not to so it can mess with you. I mean … when I drive to work … my brain will remind me of all the things I forgot back at my house at the EXACT same spot in my commute … the spot where it’s too far to go back and get anything I forgot because I don’t have time. It doesn’t remind me right when I’m leaving the house. It picks that spot instead … EVERY time.

That can’t POSSIBLY be a coincidence. That’s on purpose. My brain is doing it on purpose just to mess with me.

Think I’m crazy? I probably am. Or … is YOUR brain realizing that I’m catching on to their little scam and is trying to convince you that I’m crazy so you won’t listen to me?

OK you’re right. I’m probably crazy, but whatever.

Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye