Anger Diary #535: The One Way Conversation

Dear Diary …

I get it. We are addicted to our phones. We love burying our noses in those little things while we shut out the world around us. And you know what? That’s cool. Sometimes it is nice to shut out the world around you and just dive into whatever the world of Instagram or text messages or Candy Crush has to offer.

But if you’re gonna do that … then do that. Don’t be throwing out these random bits of one way communication that don’t mean anything to the people around you. My wife LOVES doing this. She’ll be sitting there on the couch on her phone and then out of nowhere just say …

“I’m telling you what”


Um … what?

“Oh nothing.”

What do you mean “nothing?” If that statement wasn’t meant for me … then just say it in your head!

And what is it with people who get a text … look at it … and then …

“Hahahaha … oh that’s funny.”



“Oh I was just reading a text”

I KNOW!!!!

If you don’t have any intention of sharing … which is FINE because I probably don’t care anyway … then DON’T SAY ANYTHING OUT LOUD IN THE FIRST PLACE!

Just because you type “LOL” … doesn’t mean you actually have to act the part. Just over there trying to prove whatever it is you're doing is interesting.

"Look at ME! I'm looking at hilarious things!"

We don't care ... stop it!

OK … moving on Diary … I don’t understand children one bit. On one hand, they think their parents are the dumbest humans alive who don’t know a single thing about anything. I mean God forbid I try to give my son advice on anything.

“No … you don’t know.”

Fine .. whatever. I’m a moron. Just stop talking.

But at the same time … for as dumb as I’m supposed to be, I’m also supposed to be some kind of genius who knows the location of every single toy they own. And you know what? Not even every toy … every single PIECE of toy … no matter how big or how insignificant it may be.

“Where’s my tiny little gun that goes with this LEGO guy I haven’t played with in six months?”

How the heck would I know?

“You know!”

No … no I do not know. Remember … I’m dumb. I don’t know anything.

And furthermore, why is it my job to know the last known location of absolutely everything on Earth? You’re the one who played with it last.

“No I wasn’t!”

Oh yeah … that’s right ... that was me who was playing with the Batman Batcave Play Castle when I got home from work the other day.

OK and you know what? Maybe I play with it when nobody’s looking, but I also put all the pieces back where I found them!

It’s ain’t my job to know where YOUR stuff is. I don’t come into your room and be like, “Hey kid … where are my brown dress socks?” So don’t be coming into mine making equally ridiculous demands!

Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye