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Anger Diary #533: A Whole Lotta Ah-Choo

March 26, 2019

 

Dear Diary …

 

I’m gonna tell you something right up front. Consider it a warning …

 

I sneeze.

 

A LOT.

 

If you’re around me and I sneeze once, you best be prepared because more sneezes are coming.  And not just one or two, but more like nine or 10. Why?  I have no idea.  Go ask the person that made me. It’s just what happens.

 

And I tell you this for a reason … because once I start rattling off sneeze after sneeze, what I don’t need are your little remarks.

 

Hey … I get it.  You’re really only allowed one or two “Bless Yous” when it comes to a sneezer.  And that’s all that I expect.

 

At the same time, I will also give someone a heads up that a lot more sneezes are coming, and yet every single time they start tossing things in there like …

 

“Geez … you’re still going?”

 

“Wow … are you ever gonna stop?”

 

Did I not warn you of the impending nose concert?  Why are you acting like each sneeze is a total surprise to you?

 

Look … I don’t want your sympathy, and I definitely don’t want you to have to rattle off 10 “Bless Yous,” but I also don’t need your editorial comments like this is the first time I’ve ever heard them before.

 

OK … moving on Diary …

 

I love my wife.  She’s awesome.  She has many amazing talents.  She's smart.  She's funny.  She's cute.  However, she also has some less than amazing talents.   Now … they are still talents, but they are talents that drive me nuts.

 

For example … she has an incredible ability to ruin leftovers.  Here’s what I mean …

 

When I make dinner, I often do it with the plan of having some leftovers that I can take with me to work the next day for lunch.  It just makes my life easier ... I get a delicious lunch AND I don't have to prepare it.

 

Enter my wife’s talent … eating JUST enough of those leftovers to make it not quite enough for a suitable lunch.

 

I’ll portion out our plates for dinner and have my glorious little lump of leftovers ready to roll.  And then a few minutes later I hear the dreaded phrase … “I’m going to go get a little bit more.”

 

NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

 

[[[SIGH]]]

 

And now here I am with leftovers, but just a few bites of leftovers.  Not nearly enough for an actual lunch.  So naturally what happens next is I just end up eating the rest of it at dinner that night and end up feeling all full and gross cuz I ate more than I wanted.  And I ain’t got no lunch for tomorrow!!

 

Hey … I told you she had all those awesome talents too … but this one … this one she could put in a box and ship to Siberia and I wouldn’t mind one bit.

 

Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye.

 

 

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