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Anger Diary #531: Ben Franklin is a Jerk

March 12, 2019

 

Dear Diary …

 

Can we just … ONE TIME … come together as a people and agree on something?  Look … I know we’re probably never getting world peace or even an argument-free Thanksgiving between Democrats and Republicans, but can we PLEASE put all of our difference aside this one time and agree to get rid of Daylight Savings Time forever?

 

Oh wait … I’m sorry … “Daylight SAVING Time.”  Ugh … you see?  The whole thing is just filled with attitude.

 

Yes … at one time in our lives we needed this thing, but that time is over.  You know what else we used to need?  Quills.  Yeah … big ol’ feather ... You dipped it in ink ... and then you wrote things out on giant scrolls.  Sure.  We used to need that.  Now we have voice-to-text … so we don’t need quills anymore.

 

And that’s what Daylight Saving Time is … an outdated fossil that we don’t need anymore.  Nobody even knows why we do it .  Oh it’s for the farmers?  No I don’t think they care.  Oh it’s to save money on candles?  Yeah … again … like the quill thing … we don’t need that.

Nobody knows.

 

And hey ... I know how you’re feeling right now … Tired.  We’re all tired.  I hate to be all whiny about losing one hour of sleep, but [whiny] “We’re losing one hour of sleep and I'm tired!”

 

How about this?  When we get to “fall back” let’s just fall back a half hour and then be done with this and never do it again.  Why is that so impossible to consider?

 

And you know what?  Even if it is impossible to consider, can we at least agree that “springing forward” at 2am on Saturday night is a very stupid idea?  I bet if you "sprung forward” at 4pm on a Friday and took us all right to happy hour … that would be something we can ALL get behind.

 

Granted … that also means we gotta “fall back” into an extra hour of work later in the year.  So that’s out.  Again … people … a half hour and then we never have to do this again.  

 

Ultimately we all know who’s fault this is … Ben Franklin.  Yeah … I’m looking at you you quill-totin’ Founding Father.  Fillin’ our heads full of things like “early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.”  No it doesn’t … it makes a man tired!  I feel a heck of lot smarter on the weekends when I’ve gotten some extra sleep … and now you’re stealing that hour from me with your “spring forward” nonsense.

 

And we put this guy on the $100 bill?  The coolest bill in all the rap videos?  Uh-uh.  This is $2 bill talk right here.  That’s where he deserves to be.

 

And yes … I’m aware … “Ben Franklin didn’t actually invent daylight saving time.”  Yeah yeah yeah … congratulations to you for using Google.  He may not’ve invented it, but he sure was happy to take credit for it, and since that’s what they told me in school, I’m laying all the blame on him.

 

Half hour people … we can make this happen!  (Oh who am I kidding?  We couldn’t even agree what color that dress was on the internet.”  Forget it!)

 

Till next time Diary ... I say ... Goodbye.

 

 

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