Anger Diary #529: I Got No Flow

Dear Diary …

I have no flow. None!

And no … I don’t mean that I can’t rap. Actually, for a honkey, I can drop some bars. And yes I realize that makes me sound even more like a honkey when I say that, but make no mistake … I can wax the mic, I can spit rhymes, and I can let the beat drop.

Consider it a GIFT if you are in my presence on the times I crush the “Humpty Dance” at karaoke. Because quite simply “when the dude a chump pump points a finger like a stump,” I will tell him, “step off, I'm doin' the Hump.”

Anyway … It’s not that. I go no flow whatsoever when it comes to being productive in my house. ZEEEEE-RO.

When I’m at work … I can get in a pretty good flow. Buckle down … focus … hammer stuff out. But whenever I try to get anything done at home, it’s an endless sea of interruptions ...

“Can I have some Goldfish?”

[[[BARK]]] I’m a dog … let me out

[[[BARK]]] I’m a dog … let me in

[[[Burmp Burmp]]] Text message

“Can I have milk now?”

I’m serious … It’s like this every single day. All my work is done in roughly three minute bursts between interruptions. There is no flow at all!

I don’t know how the heck people who work from home manage to get anything done. They must just treat their home office like a panic room. Lock the door, and pretend the entire world doesn't exist.

Oh and side note … I’m sitting at my house trying to right this right now and OH MY GOD SOME KID JUST STARTED PLAYING THE PIANO. FOR THE LOVE!!!!!!

OK … moving on Diary …

What does the word “urgent” mean to you? Something that’s REALLY important, right?

The dictionary says it’s something that’s “critical” and requires “immediate action and attention.”

I say these things because too many of you are abusing this word. I receive far too many emails on a daily basis marked URGENT that clearly are not. Look … I understand that you think YOU are important, but that doesn’t mean everybody else on earth has to spring into action the minute Karen puts some capital letters in her email subject line. We get it Karen … YOU want something right away, but that doesn’t make it URGENT.

And who are these pretentious and demanding people that send those little popups with their emails that force to acknowledge, “Yes … I have opened and read this?” What a jerk move! Who the heck do you think you are to be throwing around such demands? If I wanna read your email, I’ll read your email, but you aren’t automatically entitled to knowing exactly when it was that I open thing, Karen!

Geez … and people think I’M demanding. I’ve never sent anything like that. (I just silently threaten the very air that you breathe if you don’t do what I say. Wait ...what?)

Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye

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