Zack's Anger Diary: A Lesson In Kid Economics

Dear Diary …

Today we need to explore a simple lesson in economics, because you might think you know how this supposed to work, but you probably don’t. So here’s the question for your economics quiz …

If you purchase something with your money … who owns it?

And if your answer is … “Well that’s easy … I own it.” Yeah … you’re WRONG!

Oh … I should mention this isn’t just a regular economics lesson … this is a “Kid Economics” lesson. Because when you purchase something with your hands and your money, it actually belongs to THEM. Not you. Not the one who actually worked for that money. Not the one who actually went and purchased the product. You are nothing. You are just the middleman to their stuff.

Not only that, but you are to not even DARE touch said item that you purchased, because your filthy peasant hands are not invited.

This is the economics scenario I face when I take my kids to the movies (which I of course pay for). And naturally, when we get to the movies they also wanna have popcorn and soda and whatever (which I, again, of course pay for).

So I buy all this stuff (because I’m an idiot), and what happens when I try to eat some of the popcorn? “No! You can’t have that … that’s MINE!”

Yup … I bring them there, I buy the tickets, and I buy the popcorn, but I’m not allowed to have any of it. And welcome to your lesson in Kid Economics!

I mean … what a bunch of little tyrants. And my son … he’s the worst. Because … to be clear … I don’t listen. I paid for this popcorn and I’m gonna eat some of it too! But he throws out these lies like … “OK … stop … nobody’s going to eat any more popcorn until the movie starts.”

And then two seconds later I hear his loud little mouth smacking on some kernels. I thought we were on a break you liar!!! But if I try to get more popcorn we're back to this "no popcorn until the movie starts" thing.

Which by the way … let me just add that I don’t mind watching a couple previews before the movie starts, but the last time I went it was 25 MINUTES of previews. I mean good Lord, I think I saw a preview for every single movie coming out in the next calendar year. Geez!

OK … moving on Diary … since I’m already in a full on parenting rant, can you help me understand how it is that despite the fact that my kids are half the size as normal adults, they manage to clog the toilets in the house twice as often?

What the heck is wrong with their evil little bodies? And of course you add in their flagrant abuse of toilet paper and you have a nightmare scenario that keeps plumbers and plunger factories flush with brand new business. (Ahhh … “flush” … I didn’t even mean to do that. Ugh.)

Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye.