Zack's Anger Diary: Spoiling Live Sports

Dear Diary …

Let me start the new year by turning over a new leaf. I will start by APOLOGIZING for something. That’s right. I’ll admit that I was in the wrong. Well … sort of in the wrong.

Actually … you know what? No! It ain’t my fault and I ain’t apologizing for it!

Welp … so much for that whole “new leaf” thing. But hey, my resolution probably lasted longer than some of the people stuck with fancy new exercise equipment (but more on that in a minute).

First … let’s get to that fact that I’m sorry, but I do not apologize … Wait … see? That’s sort of an apology.

Anyway … I am not sorry if I spoil live sports results for you.

And yes … I am aware that this is slightly hypocritical because I hate when people ruin the endings of movies and TV shows for me, but I believe that those things are different. Those are movies and TV shows, so they are stories and experiences that aren’t happening in real time. They’re always available, and you get to watch them on your own schedule.

Sports on the other hand? That stuff is happening live and in real time. And yes, you CAN set a DVR or whatever and watch it later, but it just seems to dopey to me at that point to sit there and pretend like the rest of the world doesn’t already know what’s happened and you could have the result of the game in front of you in two seconds.

So ... when you’re my friend and I didn’t realize you watch your sports on delay, and I accidentally tell you that the Hokies lost their Bowl game. Oh well. (Oh ... sorry ... SPOLIER ALERT even though this was like two weeks ago. Do I still have to say that? I don't know.)

Do I feel bad? Yeah … kinda. But it ain’t my fault! It’s THEIR fault! This is the risk they have to take if their gonna be all weird and watch live sports on delay. I mean … ain’t nobody saying, “No no no no … don’t tell me what’s on the news … I’m recording it to watch LATER!” Sorry ... this is the same thing. (See! Look ... that's an apology too, right? No? OK.)

OK … moving on Diary … back to that whole “wasting money on expensive exercise stuff” that I mentioned before.

As anybody with a pair of eyes and half a sense of awareness can see … this is January and every other ad being shoved in your face is for some kind of gym, diet plan, or exercise equipment. One such piece of equipment is this super expensive and fancy Peloton workout bike.

You know the one I’m talking about … the one with all the commercials where this super fancy bike sits in the most beautiful place in the fanciest house. Windows everywhere … penthouse apartments in big cities … beautiful scenery. Meanwhile a person who’s already in really awesome shape is busy riding the thing and acting all, “Woo! Gettin’ my first workout of my life in!”

Hey … look … I’m all for being healthy and if you wanna buy this super fancy bike … fine. But let’s just be realistic about these ads here for a second … you’re beautiful Peloton bike ain’t gonna be in some million dollar house surrounded by windows and mountains and snowflakes. It’s gonna be in your basement, next to the washing machine, and surrounded by all those old baby toys your kids don’t play with anymore.

It’s gonna sorta smell like cat pee down in there, and it’s gonna have sucky lighting and clouds of dust ploofin’ up into your throat while you're sucking wind on your fancy expensive Peloton bike. And the whole scenario just stinks.

Now don’t get me wrong … I really do hope that despite all that, you’re gonna be over there crushing your workouts every night in the dark. Or maybe you’ll have a really expensive clothes drying rack in March. That’s on you. But at least come in with a realistic picture of what this is all going to look like.

Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye.