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Zack's Anger Diary: Black Friday Is Dead

November 13, 2018

 

Dear Diary …

 

So we’re about to enter that time of year again where I always ask myself the same question … “Where the heck do all these people come from?”

I don’t get it.  We spend 11 months out of the year with the same crowds and traffic patterns, and then all of a sudden in the month of December it feels like there’s about a million more people crawling all over the place.

 

And I’m not talking about crowds at the malls or something … that makes sense.  It’s holiday shopping time, so of course people are doing more shopping than normal.  But suddenly there’s also a huge line at the drugstore, Taco Bell, and pretty much just everywhere you turn … people.

 

Who are these people?  And where are they the rest of the year?

 

I go out and drive around at three o’clock in the afternoon on a Tuesday in July and it’s dead, but make that same drive on a Tuesday in December and suddenly there’s people all over the place.

 

Who are you???

 

And where do you go in January?

 

Do you live in caves up in the hills and you only descend to Christmas ornaments and peppermint flavored things? And is that what you live off of when you hibernate for the rest of the year?  I wanna know the answer to the mystery!

 

And while we’re talking holidays, can I just go ahead and give the eulogy for Black Friday?  Cuz it is dead.

 

Now ... not that I was ever gonna be one of those people shoulder-blocking old ladies out of the way for a $20 television, but I will admit there was some charm to this big huge shopping day where everybody got crazier than a cuckoo clock and the deals were insanely awesome.  Again ... I wasn't going out there, but I did at least like to hear about it.

 

But now?  I’ve already been hearing for two weeks … “The Black Friday deals have already started and go ALL month long!”

 

Well then guess what?  That means Black Friday don’t matter anymore cuz it’s the same at 29 other days.

 

You had to ruin it.  You had to get all greedy and try to get more sales. So you scaled it back to Thanksgiving.  And then ... you scaled it back to the Monday before Thanksgiving.  And now it’s the whole month.

 

Well ... rest in peace Black Friday.  You’re dead.

 

Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye.

 

 

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