Zack's Anger Diary: You vs. Your Brain

Dear Diary …

Your brain is stupid. I mean … it’s a wonderful, powerful thing and a marvel of science and biology, but it is also stupid. Mainly because it has all these awesome powers, and never lets us actually use any of them. Sure … we can do things like … well … think. And invent … and love … and whatever. But ultimately, our brain is just one big tease about all these other borderline magical powers it’s capable of.

For example … when I drive to work, there is one specific place on the highway where my brain reminds me about all the things that I've forgotten to bring to work. It’s the same spot every single time … and it’s a spot that is JUST far enough away from my house that it's the point of no return and it would take too long to turn around. And it doesn’t matter if before leaving the house I think to myself, “OK … do I have everything?” … I still won’t remember those things until I hit that spot on the highway.

So what we have here is clear proof that there is a way to trigger your brain to remember these things … since it does it at the same spot every time … but your stupid brain refuses to let you control that power.

Here’s another superpower your brain teases you with … you can be minding your own business, going through your day and feeling great. Then … somebody in your office tells you they just got over the stomach bug. And what happens next? You instantly feel like you’re getting the stomach bug. ONE second ago you felt fine, but your brain heard that, and now you feel awful.

So clearly your brain has the power to make you feel terrible … or great … with the flip of a switch. But again … your stupid brain doesn’t give you the ability to use that power. I mean, I genuinely do believe some people can will themselves through serious health battles like cancer … it’s just a question of unlocking that portion of your jerk brain that it does not want to give up.

I mean … c’mon brain … aren’t we in this together? Aren’t we supposed to be a team? Doesn’t YOUR life get better if the rest if the body gets to use the powers? Why are you holding out on us?

How is it that I can’t remember important details or fantastic memories in my life, and yet I still remember every single detail of something pointless and insignificant? My wedding day is a complete blur in my head … I basically remember getting to the church and then the day being over. At the same time … I still know every single word to “The Humpty Dance.” And I can still totally remember the time I accidentally saw my grandmother in her bra.

Can't forget that one! Why, brain, why?

Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye.