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Zack's Anger Diary: In Defense of Voicemail

August 28, 2018

 

Dear Diary …

 

Why have we become so anti-voicemail?  So many people now are, “I don’t check my voicemail, so don’t bother leaving one.”  And here’s what I say to you … dude … you’re doin’ it wrong.

 

Voicemail is great.  Why?  Because you get to know the person’s mood and intentions … and that way you are totally prepared for whatever happens next.

 

I mean, even if the person says, “Hey it’s Steve.  Call me back.”  That could be …

 

* [HAPPY] Hey … it’s Steve!  Call me back!

 

Or 

 

* [SAD] Hey it’s Steve.  Call me back.

 

Or

 

* [ANGRY] HEY! It’s Steve! CALL ME BACK!!!”

 

See?  One simple sentence, and yet three different situations.  You’re not getting that if Steve merely texts you “call me back,” so why in the world would you want to walk into the lion’s den without some kind of heads up?

 

“Well I see the missed call.  That’s good enough for me.”

 

Again … you’re nuts!

 

Personally, I don’t call anyone back who doesn’t leave a voicemail.  Missed call?  Not good enough for me.  You need to state your business so I can be prepared for the conversation.  If your boss calls and doesn’t leave a message … you now have no idea if he’s mad at you, happy with you, gonna make you work Saturday, or whatever the heck else.

 

Don’t you want to know these things?  And if not, what kind of sick, sadistic person are you?  You like punishing yourself or something?

 

OK … moving on Diary … since we’re on the topic of phones and phone etiquette … can we please put a stop to unnecessary and excessive speaker phone usage when other people are around?

 

We don’t care that you’re on the phone with the DMV or your grandma or whatever.  And furthermore, that person likely has no idea that you are subjecting them to an audience of random people … so how is that fair to them?  What if your grandma wants to tell you a racist joke?  I mean geez!!

But seriously … they don’t want to be a part of it … and we don’t want to hear it.

 

Here’s another one we don’t want to hear … lazy coworkers using voice to text at their desk.  “Sheila … don’t forget that tonight we have dinner with the O’Briens.  And I will grab milk on my way home.”

 

Are you kidding me with this?  We don’t want to be dragged along to every boring detail of your life.  We’re already dealing with every boring detail of our own lives!  Type that stuff out with your stumpy little thumbs … it’s probably the closest thing you’re getting to exercise to day anyway there Lazy!!

 

Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye

 

 

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