Dear Diary …
Every day is one step closer to me taking over the Kingdom of Zackmerica. OK ... at least I hope every day is one step closer, because I swear to you, you’re gonna love a lot of the new laws. And yes … there will be a LOT of new laws.
But don’t worry, we’re gonna throw out a bunch of old stupid ones too, and the new ones are gonna be really awesome.
Like this one … a swift and across the board ban of all meetings at work. Gone. All of them. And anybody caught uttering such horrible hate-filled phrases like, “Hey can we have a meeting at 10:30?” … They are instantly deported to Craptown.
And originally I would’ve been able to compromise on this issue, and maybe just limit the amount of meetings, but I am forced to go to … so … many … meetings. All day meetings, out of town meetings, middle of the afternoon meetings … my life is becoming a non-stop parade of days where I’m sitting at a table staring at a bunch of other people who don’t wanna be there either.
Look … I get it. I’m awesome. You like having me around, but I’m about to lose my mind.
Because you know what’s pretty much always the first thing discussed at the meeting? The stuff from the previous meeting. After that? The stuff we need to do for the next meeting.
What did we even do here?
We just need to stop talking about the meeting, and the virus that is the meeting will simply die off, since it’s not actually accomplishing anything.
Here’s another thing that will be banned … when people make things stupidly inconvenient for no good reason.
For example … recently my wife had to give me some money for household expenses. Now, to her credit, she at least respects my hatred of being handed the responsibility of a cashing a check. You want a helpful hint if you owe Zack Jackson money and don’t really wanna pay me? Just write me a check. Half the time I just lose the thing or forget to cash it for a year.
Now I accept plenty of other forms of payment … cash, PayPal, or the fact that your name is also on the account and you can just put money in there, but my wife returns with …
“I sent you $300 thru Zelle.”
Zelle? What the hell is Zelle?
“It’s like PayPal, but different.”
Well then why didn’t you just use PayPal? I have a PayPal. I don’t have Zelle.
“I don’t have a PayPal. I have Zelle.”
Why is that my problem?
I mean … if somebody owes you $20 and they say to you, “Well all I have is pesos, can I pay you in pesos?” You say … no … get your butt to the bank and get me some ‘Murican money!
And again … we live in the same house! Why is this so much harder than it needs to be?
Sorry Zellers … King Zack is shuttin’ ya down. There’s too many different sites out there… we’re crunching ‘em all down into one. The one I have. (I am King after all.)
Till next time Diary … I say …. Goodbye.