Dear Diary …
This is a message to the people of the world … You are a liar. And not only are you a liar, but we KNOW you’re liar. You’re not fooling anybody with your silly little stories. You’re a liar. And we know you’re a liar. And we want you to know that we know that you’re a liar.
“What do you mean? I always tell the truth!”
There are times when you start flappin’ your jaws, and we are on to your scam.
Like when I send you a text message and ask you a question that requries an answer … and you don’t respond for six hours, and then you say, “Oh sorry, I’m just seeing this text right now.”
“I’m just seeing this text” is the modern day equivalent of the 1987 lie of, “I don’t know what happened to your message on my answering machine. I never got it.”
And you know how I know you’re not "just seeing" my text? You’re lyin’ behind has been all over Facebook, Instagram, and whatever the heck else for the last six hours … which I’m sure you’ve been using your phone for.
Not to mention the fact that every time I’m around you, I gotta pry your nose outta your phone to even get your attention. So I know darn well you’re not “just seeing my text.”
Here’s another one the liars of the world like to throw out there … Observe …
“Hey where would you like to go for dinner tonight?”
“I don’t mind. Anywhere is fine.”
Liar … liar … liar … liar … LIAR!!!
“Anywhere” is NOT fine! I know darn well you at least have some kind of preference in your head … so out with it.
Why do we play this game?
And let me be more specific … ladies … ladies, ladies, ladies … Why do we play this game?
We men don’t know much, but we know you’re messing with us here. Playing some sort of “let’s see if he really knows me” head game just to test us. I’ll let you in on a little secret … we’re never gonna figure it out. We are clueless. So stop thinking things are ever gonna change.
Or maybe … I don’t know … it’s some sort of Jedi Mind Trick you’re trying to perfect … “This is not the restaurant you’re looking for … You want to choose Olive Garden.”
Ladies … please … stop lying to us. We’re too dumb to figure it out anyway. We’re smart enough to know you’re a liar, but that’s about it. So save yourself the aggravation and pick the stinkin’ restaurant you wanna go to.
Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye.