Zack's Anger Diary: The Livin' On E Lifestyle

Dear Diary …

When it comes to life … I like to be prepared. Now obviously you can’t be ready for every single curveball life throws at you, but I want to at least set myself up for success on a daily basis by being prepared with the basic details.

And that is why I absolutely do not understand why so many people insist on being a part of the “Livin’ on E Lifestyle.” Everything in their life is empty. And I don’t mean their life has no meaning … I just mean that all their day to day stuff … gas tanks, cell phone batteries, drink containers … they’re all on E. All … the … time.

My co-worker … KT of the Midday Program … spends her entire life tethered to the two foot long cord of her cell phone charger, because “my phone is on like 6% and is about to die.” All day long. Doesn’t matter the time of day … morning, noon, night … that phone is seemingly always on 6%. How does that even happen? Just charge the thing overnight, and be ready to tackle the day on 100%. And even if you use the thing like crazy … just plug it in again … especially if you know you’re going out later, and you should never have an issue.

And let’s not forget you people that LOVE to roll around town with your gas tank on E. “Oh I think I have enough gas to make it to work and back.” … Why are you even doing that? Not to mention the fact that you’re driving past gas station after gas station. “Oh but I can probably make it to the next one.” Again … why? They got better gas there or something?

It’s as if you think “Amount of Times I Pushed It With My Gas Tank” is one of the qualifying factors Jesus judges you on when you get to heaven. “Well … you didn’t exactly lead a great life … but I see here you did manage to push it to the next gas station 247 times. Come on in! Welcome to heaven!”

And the refrigerator … if there’s a drink in there with a tiny swig in it … would you just finish the dang thing off and buy some more? Sometimes I’ll call my wife … Hey I’m running by the store today … we need milk?

“Nah. We’re good till tomorrow.”

Tomorrow? Well now I’m just gonna have to go to the store again tomorrow … and I don’t want to if I don’t have to! Just replace the milk! No need be pimpin’ the “Livin’ on E Lifestyle.”

OK … moving on Diary … what is the point of some of the questions we get asked, when the answer doesn’t even matter? For example …

When I use our email server at work, and I log in, it’s says “keep me logged in” with a little box next to it. OK cool … I don’t feel like having to type in my stuff every single time … Yes please … Keep me logged in.

And what happens every time I come back later? I’m logged out.

Why are we even doing this song and dance? You don’t wanna keep me logged in? Fine. But don’t even give me the option in the first place.

Don’t even ask the question if the answer doesn’t matter. Like when my wife asks me for advice, I give it, and then she just does whatever advice her mother gives her. Why ya even asking me? Just save the time and go right to the real source!

Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye.