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Zack's Anger Diary: Porch Pirates

December 19, 2017

 

 

Dear Diary …

 

When it comes to the holiday season, there are few people on this earth that are bigger pieces of garbage than a Porch Pirate.  Seriously, they are right up there with the absolute worst members of humanity.

 

Now … many of you already know what a Porch Pirate is, but for those of you that don’t, a Porch Pirate is a low life who steals packages off your porch that you’ve ordered and have been delivered when you’re not home.

 

I mean … honestly … who does that?

 

Who has so little respect for their fellow humans that they just freely walk up and rob them … especially this time of year when most of the packages are Christmas presents?

 

Not that I support shoplifting one bit, but at least when somebody shoplifts, they’re stealing from a store.  Porch Pirates on the other hand steal from their neighbors … and they do it while you’re at WORK … actually WORKING hard to make a living so you can support your family.  They, on the other hand, just sit around and take things you’ve worked so hard to purchase.

 

Oh and I’m sure they all have some sort of excuse or reasoning … about how life is “not fair” and how it’s “not my fault” and they’re just doing it because they think they somehow deserve to have these things just because they want them.  I’m sorry … that ain’t true.  The truth is simple … you’re slime.

 

Lack of respect for other people is one of the biggest issues we have in our society today, and if you would actually stop and take the time to do it … GASP … people will also treat YOU with respect, and then good things would actually happen to you!

 

So if you're someone that's actually bold enough to steal a package off of another person's house, it is time to officially re-assess your place in life.  Do better!  

 

OK … moving on Diary … this actually also falls into the ”Who Does That?” category of the holiday season, but this one deals with the actual gifts being given.

 

For example … who on earth actually gives somebody else a car for Christmas?

 

Now I know there are exceptions to this  rule, but these commercials make it seem like it’s just a regular life thing to walk downstairs on Christmas morning and see a brand new car in your driveway.

 

And I don’t know about you, but if I come downstairs and I find out my wife bought me a car for Christmas, the first thing I think is, “Who exactly is making the PAYMENTS on this car that’s sitting in my driveway?”

 

And where exactly does one even find those giant bows that they put on top of this magical Christmas car?  Good lord, that bow’s gotta cost like a thousand dollars all by itself!  You just dropped a grand on a bow?  Are you crazy?  Do you know how many car payments I gotta start making?

 

And again, I’m sure there’s some rich person somewhere where this TOTALLY makes sense, but the commercial makes it look like just some random guy named Steve is totally getting a new car for Christmas.

 

Who has this kind of cash laying around?

 

Another example … speaking of cash … is when I see a commercial for super expensive diamond earrings and the ad says, “the PERFECT stock stuffer.”  Stocking stuffer????

 

I don’t know about you, but in my house a travel-sized thing of hand sanitizer or some some socks ... that's a “stocking stuffer” … not $15 thousand dollar earrings!

 

“The perfect stocking stuffer” … for a Kardashian!

 

This is why our kids ask for expensive things for Christmas.  “Well Dad’s gettin’ a car … clearly I can I have an iPhone!”

 

Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye.

 


 

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