Dear Diary …
There is no reason … and I mean NO reason … that I should even be talking about what I’m about to be talking about. We live in a smart world, full of smart people, doing all sorts of smart things. We can have access to pretty much the entire world … right there in the palm of our hands.
And yet … to this day … toasters are still stupid.
Every now and then I try to make toast as part of my breakfast … and every single time I do, I reminded how stupid the toaster really is.
Reality is, when I make toast … I ain’t got a lot of time. You hear me talkin’ … I do that for a living. And the only time I have a break from that talkin’ is when there’s a song and a couple of commercials playing on the radio. So that means I have MAYBE seven minutes to get it all done.
And honestly? That’s an impossible task.
Because every toaster on earth sucks and can’t make toast fast enough.
We got lasers that can fry the whole earth in a millisecond. You mean to tell me we can’t figure out how to toast a bagel faster?
Ten seconds. That’s all it should take. OK … MAYBE 30 if I’m being generous, but I see no reason at this point in the technological advancements of the human race that we can’t stick a piece of bread in and … BZZZZZZPPP … toast.
Nope … instead we all stand here like a bunch of idiots … starting at little square machine … begging for it to move faster. Having it pop up and produce a half-toasted piece of sadness. Then we gotta flip the bread around because it’s ALWAYS toasting unevenly … push the button back down … hold it there and try to force the toaster to start over again.
We’re better than this, people!!!
Why do continue to settle for the stupid backwards methods of the olden days?
Like electricity … think of all the times we gotta deal with power outages because of windy weather or a fallen tree knocking out a bunch of power lines. Why we still relying on these giant ugly poles and a bunch of electricity on strings in the first place?
Shouldn’t this all be underground by now? And yes … yes it should … but your power company don’t wanna PAY to make it better. They’d much rather keep charging you an arm and a leg without having to upgrade their own infrastructure. And don’t you worry … if they do ever upgrade it … they’re gonna make you pay for it anyway.
Sure … that seems like a fair arrangement!
We’re better than this. And it starts with toast. If we can’t fix something as simple as toast, then we can’t fix anything.
Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye.