Zack's Anger Diary: Sitting Outside is Overrated

Dear Diary …

Summertime … we are definitely into it now. And a lot of things are great about the summer … wearin’ shorts, going on vacation, fresh fruits and vegetables at the Farmer’s Market. All those things are good. At the same time there are plenty of things that are totally overrated about the summer … sand, kids being home all the time, and one in particular that I wanna address today … sitting outside.

I don’t know why we think we gotta do it in the summer … But we go to a restaurant and there’s a perfectly comfortable, air conditioned inside. And yet for some misguided reason, we think we gotta say “no thank you” to that, and bake our bodies outside in the hot sun instead.

Sure … there’s a time and a place when it’s great to sit outside, but we’re beyond that now. That’s for a month ago when it was warm. Now it’s hot. Stinky sweaty butt crack, Southern humidity, heat stroke kinda hot … and yet like a bunch of dummies we’re like “Hey let’s sit outside!”

No! Let’s not!

Cuz here’s the deal … at just about every restaurant with outdoor seating there’s like 3 comfortable seats with nice shade, and the rest are one million degrees and just … sweaty. Not good for the person, terrible for the ice cubes in your drink, and downright disastrous for your yummy mayonnaise-laden chicken salad sandwich you just ordered up.

Who are we impressing by sitting out here? If God wanted us to sit outside, he never would’ve invented air conditioning in the first place! Totally overrated!

OK … moving on Diary …

How is it that we’ve gotten to the point where so many of us are just completely unaware that there are other humans around us? Way too many of us act like we are the only person on Earth … drifting thru the aisles of the grocery store as we wander from side to side and take up the whole row, or just plopping down in the left hand lane, driving one mile under the speed limit and never moving, or one I have come across a few times recently … being REALLY LOUD in the middle of the night in a hotel.

I went out of town over the weekend with the wife, and at 3:45am it sounded like an entire wedding reception was taking place in the hallway.

Hey man … I’m no square. Even though the term “square” sounds kinda square. But it’s not like it’s 10:01 and I’m complaining because I’ve “got a big meeting in the morning.” It’s 4am … and it’s not like a quick “HEY WE’RE DRUNK AND WE’RE ON OUR WAY TO OUR ROOM!” It's not quick like that ... it’s for an extended period of time.

Most recent trip to Myrtle the same thing from the people upstairs … 5am … back and forth back and forth back and forth for like an hour up there. Who does that much walking around at 5am? Don’t you just wanna sit there and be drunk?

No awareness to the world around you.

I totally feel for you people out there that rent apartments and condos and have to deal with this every day of your lives. Seriously, it’s the one major positive to owning your own house.

People try to fill you with lies like … “Owning a house is such a great investment.” Yeah not really … everything breaks all the time and you’re the one that has to fix it. That line is garbage. What they need to say is “Owning a house means never having to hear the jackass neighbors upstairs mash potatoes at 2 o’clock in the morning while you’re trying to sleep and they’re playing “50 Shades of Grey” in their dining room.”

THAT’S why you own a house!

Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye.