Zack's Anger Diary: Moms are Annoying

May 17, 2016

 

Dear Diary …

 

Today I’m going to tackle … Moms. Now, I’m not going to actually tackle Moms like this is a football game, though I feel like some Moms might tackle ME by the time this is all over.

 

But here’s the thing … Don’t kill me.

 

I’m not saying the things I’m about to say because as a put down to any Moms. I’m saying them because I wanna help Moms get past some facts and opinions that are out there. I like Moms. I'm married to one. Ya’ll are awesome. Without you doing the things you do, we’re all screwed.

 

At the same time … Can we all agree that this current generation of Moms has gotten kind of annoying? No all of ‘em … again … don’t kill me … But you gotta admit that we got a bunch of bad apples that are trying to make the whole batch of Moms turn rotten.

 

Is it because we’ve given them all blogs? Because their blogs are kinda scary if you read ‘em for too long. Like they're all on the edge, and they're just gonna SNAP one of these days.

 

And I don’t know … Maybe Moms of generations past had the same kooky thoughts, and we just didn’t know about it because they didn’t have blogs.

 

But I don’t think so … I think we’ve all become part of the problem because we totally cater to the “I’m a busy Mom” crowd for just about everything. I mean … that’s all Pinterest is … bunch of Mom recipes, Mom crafts, Mom ideas, and Mom motivational quotes that you put on the wall.

 

Hey I know you’re busy … I feel like everybody’s busy for the most part … but this group of Moms is out to make sure you know they’re busy, and that it’s also somehow your fault that they are and you’re gonna owe them something for it later.

 

Diary … I watch a lot of Food Network. Cuz 1) I’m a food nerd, and 2) With my job, I kinda operate on Stay-At-Home Mom hours a little bit. And what Food Network has done is totally bounce any kind of actual chef from their programming, and now it’s just a parade of “I’m a busy Mom” cooks who plop a bunch of things on plates and call it a day.

 

The other day I’m watching the show “The Kitchen” … which is sort of like “The View” but about 10 times more annoying and only about food. They had their “Busy Mom o’ the Day” sharing her whatever recipe and gives everybody a plate at the end to taste, but she forgets to make one for herself and immediately says “Oh just like a Mom, I always forget to serve myself!” Ugh. And everybody on that show ... what do they do? Laugh uproariously.

DON’T ENCOURAGE HER!!!

 

Woman … you deserve to eat too … serve yourself! Quit pullin’ this whole … “Oh I give all of myself cuz I’m all out about my babies and nothing else on Earth about me matters.” Forget that! I got kids … they don’t deserve that much of anybody’s time and effort. They can get some, but they sure as heck haven’t earned the right to have a personal Mom servant at their every beck and call.

 

So cut it out! You’re a woman. You’re awesome. Quit turnin’ into some sort of Mom-Cyborg that “does … nothing … but … serves … the … humans.” Cuz you know what? As a Dad ... let me level with you ... not attractive.

 

And here’s what I don’t understand … you’d think they’d be less uptight about the whole thing because the whole Boozy Wine Mom Subculture is on FIRE right now. So why they so angry? Shouldn't a glass or 6 of wine make them a little more relaxed? Sheesh!

 

OK … I’m gonna go get killed now.

 

Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye.

 

 

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