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Zack's Anger Diary: You Don't Get to Unplug

April 4, 2017

 

 

Dear Diary …

 

I was on vacation recently.  And I feel like I need to point that out, since none of my coworkers seemed to notice when they were blown’ me up all week asking me to do stuff.  Actually, I stand corrected, they DID know I was on vacation, because everybody started their request with the same phrase … “I know you’re on vacation, buuuuut …”

 

Now let me be clear … I’m not here to complain about that.  I get it.  Just because I’m not in the office, that doesn’t mean all work life stuff automatically disappears.  And furthermore, I’m here to kick some butt, and in order to do that, you can’t be laying around and binge-watching “This Is Us” for a week, you gotta have the Eye of the Tiger and be willing to put in the work.

 

(Then you wantch "This Is Us")

 

But here’s the rub …

 

When my coworkers go on vacation … I can only guess that they’ve taken a trip to Mars or something for the week, cuz they are GONE.  Even if there is an emergency at work that requires their immediate attention that nobody else can take care of … you got better luck trying to teach your grandma how to use Snapchat than you do getting a hold of one of these people.

 

And when they come back, those jerks are all, “Oh sorry I didn’t get back to you.  I was on vacation and I just totally unplugged.”

 

NO!  You don’t get to unplug for the week!!!  

 

I didn't get to unplug for the week when you’re up my butt asking for stuff, so you can’t go play Margaritaville without at least being available if we need you.  Sorry … you might not like it … but that’s the way it is.  Don’t wanna do it?  Then go get a useless job somewhere else where people don’t even notice if you’re gone.

 

So since I’m talking about my week off … notice I’m not really calling it a “vacation” since I didn’t go anywhere.  Part of the reason I took the time off is because my wife had to go out of town to see family, and somebody had to watch the children.  And since there’s ain’t really no babysitters available at four in the morning, I gotta play Stay At Home Dad for a few days.

 

And here’s the angle most exhausting thing about taking care of children … you never get credit for doing anything with them.  Ever.

 

On Friday my daughter got to go to a birthday party with all her friends, and they got to see a movie.  Then she came home and we baked cookies, made ice cream sandwiches, and did all sorts of activities.  Then on Saturday during the day she went to a friend’s house for a play date.  I then picked her up from there and took her to another friend’s house for dinner so all the kids could play together there.

 

I mean … we are talking a tornado of fun all crammed into two days.

 

So when I wake up Sunday morning and come downstairs, what do you think is the first thing out of her mouth?

 

“Daddy are we going to do anything fun today?  I wanna DO something today.”

 

You know what we’re gonna do today?  Sit.  That’s what we’re going to do today.

 

And I don’t know about you … actually I don’t even care about you … Daddy thinks that sounds like a TON of fun.

 

“But I want to DO something.”

 

What????  What are we gonna do?  We just did EVERYTHING for the last two days … there ain’t no more things to do.  We did ‘em all!!  Now go play Minecraft for like 8 hours and give me a freakin’ BREAK.

 

No credit with these kids.  Ever.

 

I bet I could take ‘em to Disney World for a week and the day we get home they’d be all, “I’m bored … what are we gonna to today?”

 

And the answer's the same ... Sit.  [[Mouse voice]] HAHA kids … Mickey loves a good sit!

 

Till next time Diary … I say … goodbye.

 


 

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