Dear Diary …
I’m a nice guy. [Laughs] OK … no I’m not. But I DO try to treat other humans with respect. Really I think it’s one of the biggest problems we have in this world right now … everybody is just out for themselves, and have zero respect for anybody else.
So I try to be respectful and polite to people … you know … actually use words like “please” and “thank you” when I’m ordering at a drive thru instead of “Yeah I want two tacos. Don’t mess up my order!”
But sometimes … you MAKE me be rude to you. And I don’t wanna be rude. But you give me no choice.
So ... my car came with free satellite radio for a couple months. I used it a little bit since it was there, but as you might be able to guess … I’m a little bit partial to “regular radio.” It’s free. And … it’s ME. So you know, “payin’ that whole paycheck” thing kinda makes me biased.
So when the free trial went away … I moved on with my life. Didn't really miss it anyway. But that’s when the phone calls start.
“Hello sir … I’m calling to offer you a great deal on your satellite radio … only $50 for the next six months.”
No … thanks … but I’m good. Thank you for the offer, but I'm going to go ahead and decline.
“But sir this is our best deal and you will get to start using the service right away. Can I go ahead and sign you up?”
No. Again. Appreciate the offer. But I am not interested. Thank you.
“Are you sure? Because this is a great deal and you get to have all 100 of our channels to…”
No. NO! NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
See? You made me do this. I’m trying to be nice to you and say “no thank you,” but you will not stop talking to me and now you’ve forced me to be rude and yell at you!!! You’ve done this to yourself.
And I’m sure at the end of the day that person who works as the telemarketer is gonna go home and say, “People are so rude. That man yelled at me!” Well you made me do it!!!!
I’m trying to be nice here people … but you have forced me to be rude so you’ll actually pay attention.
OK … moving on Diary … I am done with “Bubble Teasers.”
That’s the name I’ve given them. Because if you have an iPhone, and you text somebody else with an iPhone, when they start typing a response you get these three little bubbles that pop up on your screen that basically say “Hey I’m typing something back to you and … bloop … here it is.”
The only problem is, the Bubble Teaser starts typing something. You see their bubbles. And then …. Nothin’
No response. And then the bubbles go away! And that’s all you get.
What the hell just happened? You were typing. You had a response. And then you just … disappear.
What changed? Where did you go? And where is my response?
“Oh sorry … I must’ve missed your text.”
NO YOU DIDN’T!!! I SAW YOUR BUBBLES YOU LIAR!!!
By the way, “oh I totally missed your text” is currently the most garbage BS excuse being used by humans. It’s the “the dog ate my homework” of the 21st century. You’re a liar, and nobody believes you for a second. Just admit it … I saw your text and didn’t respond because I stink. End of story.
Till next time Diary … I say … goodbye.