Dear Diary …
Times change. Technology changes. And I’m sorry, but that means certain things that used to be important, just don’t need to exist anymore. So for the love of God stop throwing the Yellow Pages on my front lawn!
How is this not littering?
I didn’t ask for this book, and now somebody just tosses it on the ground on my property.
If I walked by my neighbor’s house and just threw a random book in his yard … that would be frowned upon, wouldn't it? So why do we let people do it with the Yellow Pages?
And who are these ninjas that deliver that book anyway? Cuz nobody ever sees ‘em. And Diary … I’m awake in the middle of the night. I see the newspaper guy. He’s not the ninja. (And if he is, then he's Dual Identity Ninja.)
I guess on the bright side, whoever it is that delivers these things can have a job working for the government, sneaking behind enemy lines to locate sensitive information. Because back here at home … your services are no longer required!
Freakin' littler ninja.
I mean all I do is take that thing and throw it in the recycling. So I can only assume that it just goes back to the giant pile of Yellow Pages and gets sent out again the following year.
Why are we even letting this happen?
Shoot ... even your grandma knows how to use the internet now. "Let me look in the Yellow Pages" ... NO!
And if your grandma doesn't know how to use the interent, would you help her please?
At the very least … you should at least have to ask me if I want the freakin’ thing.
And here’s another thing we don’t need any more … receipts. I mean yeah you need proof of purchase for some stuff that you buy, in case you need to return it, but with most things there’s really no point to hang on to that ridiculous little piece of paper.
Like when you buy gas … Would you like a receipt? No. No I would not like a receipt!
And don’t try to tell me “oh I need it for work” or something silly like that. You paid with a card. That card tracks EVERYTHING you do and purchase. There’s your receipt.
And furthermore, you all know darn well all you do is take that little piece of paper, stick it in your wallet next to all the other random pieces of paper from other purchases, and then once every couple of months throw them all out when you can’t close your wallet anymore.
See … all you did was transport garbage everywhere you went. Why do want to go about your life with trash all over you?
Don’t take ‘em in the first place, and we don’t have this problem. Ta-dah!
Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye.