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Zack's Anger Diary: The Personal Shopper

November 29, 2016

 

Dear Diary …

 

Christmas is in the air.  And it is … it’s in the air and you can’t say anything about it!  Thanksgiving is OVER … so now all you people complaining about store decorations or Christmas music or whatever … you’re DONE!  We are now all in agreement that it is here.  Which of course means ... it’s time to Christmas shop.

 

And what I’ve learned when you’ve got kids is that everybody in your life turns you into their own personal shopper.  Cuz they all wanna be told EXACTLY what to buy for the kids.  Which that alone I’m OK with.  You want the kids to get something they actually want, don't already have, whatever.

 

So if you wanna know an exact item, I'm cool with that.  But it doesn’t stop there … all the grandparents then just say … “OK well just go ahead and order it and let me know how much I owe you.”

 

Let me get this straight … I come up with the item.  Then I go buy it.  Then I wrap it.  And then the card says it’s from you?

Why you gettin’ all the credit?  I did all the work!

 

Now I know how Santa’s elves feel!  They bust their litte butts in that workshop all year long, and then their boss takes all the credit for the presents.

 

And not only that … everybody is on my back right away …

 

“I need to know what to get the kids, I want to get my shopping done right away!”

 

So by the time I dole out a bunch of stuff from the kids’ Christmas lists to grandma, grandpa, Santa, I realize that Mommy and Daddy are then left with the scraps.

 

“Geez … Mom and Dad sure did cheap out on the gifts.”

 

You stole all the good ones!  That I bought in the first place, and you took all the credit for!

 

Oh and they gotta have all their lists right away, but when you ask THEM what they want, so you can get YOUR shopping done too, all you get in return is ...

 

“Oh you know … whatever.  Surprise me!  I love everything!”

 

You do NOT love everything, you liar!  I know this for a fact because every time you come visit you’re complaining about something, which clearly does not sound like somebody who loves everything.  So don’t tell me you love everything.

 

But Diary … I get it … ultimately it’s all about the kids and the joy in their little faces when they get those presents they want soooo bad.  On the down-side, all my son wants this year is LEGOs … tons and tons of LEGOs.

 

So you know what that means?  Daddy is gonna have a LOT of work to do on Christmas afternoon putting together set after set of LEGOs, which I’m sure will then be taken apart and all the pieces will be mixed up and missing by New Years.

 

Yes … clearly it’s about the children, cuz I’m gonna be busy weeping in the corner at my lost LEGO comrades.  Why was the Kraggle considered such a bad thing in "The LEGO Movie" anyway?  It’s the only thing that saves these precious (and expensive) LEGO sets!

 

Oh yeah ... the Dad in the movie is supposed to be the bad guy because he DARES krazy glue all the LEGO sets together.  He's the ONLY one preserving all the money that was spent!

 

I'm a fan of the Kraggle.  If there was some way to just dip the sets in and ... BOOM ... frozen in time?  I'm on it!

 

So yeah ... Happy Holidays!

 

Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye.

 

 

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