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Zack's Anger Diary: Defending Yoga Pants

October 25, 2016

Dear Diary …

 

Attention ladies … I have great news! I, Zack Jackson, am here to stick up for YOU! You are being wronged, you are being oppressed, and I’m the one who be in your corner and stand up and say … “Negative backlash against yoga pants must stop!”

 

I don’t get it. All of a sudden there all these haters trying to tell women they can’t wear yoga pants in public. Yoga pants … the greatest pant since apple-bottom jeans … being held back by this legion of form-fitting booty hatemongers. No more!

 

What is wrong with these people?

 

Now don’t get me wrong … Yoga … don’t really care about yoga. But the pant? They’re the greatest pant ever!

 

They make women look more awesome than before. Who hates that?

 

“Oh you can’t be 40 and wear yoga pants.”

 

Uhh … yes you can you moron. I’ve seen plenty of MILF-tacular women rock the yoga pant. And in addition to that, if you’re carrying a little extra, the yoga pant helps shape and hold it into a thing of beauty. It's like seeing a creature in it’s natural habitat. Yeah that’s it … I’m just a lover of nature! It's science!

 

And even if you can tell … that material’s workin’ overtime to hold it all in … don’t care. It’s all for the love of nature!

 

So ladies … you don’t listen to these haters. They’re dummies and they have no idea what they’re talkin’ about. You rock your glorified pajamas anywhere you want, and you be proud!! Zack Jackson … feminist extraordinaire has your BACK!

 

Cuz it looks GREAT in dem pants! OK … Hypocrite feminist extraordinaire Zack Jackson has your back!

 

Moving on Diary … Just a helpful piece of advice …

 

If you are crossing a parking lot and I, as a good person, stop in my car to let you cross … you cross in the most direct route possible. And you do it with a little hustle.

 

The other day I stop at the store to let these two supermoms cross … and they proceed to slowly drift on the diagonal with no … hustle … at … all.

 

I don’t care how good you look in your yoga pants … you move that Lululemon booty with a little bit of hustle. And straight line people, the diagonal drift is painful!

 

You know I’m there. And I know that you know that I know what you’re doing … so don’t. I’m just asking for a direct route here … I’m not being unreasonable you drifter!

 

Till next time Diary, I say … Goodbye.

 

 

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